What Is Your Why? Ikigai
Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting
Pastor Bob Henry
August 28, 2022
Good morning, Friends and welcome to Light Reflections. The scripture passage for this morning is a short one – again it is one of the proverbs from the Old Testament, Proverbs 20:5 from the New Revised Standard Version.
The purposes in the human mind are like deep water,
but the intelligent will draw them out.
A few weeks ago now, I preached on the query that Gene Siskel gave Oprah Winfrey in 1998 – What do you know for sure? And we have had a great deal of rich conversation and dialogue around that query. It has really spoken to the condition of some in our meeting and I personally have benefit from the ongoing exploration with you.
Today, I want to introduce another query that I have heard a great deal, lately. It was prompted by Beth Henrick’s excellent message last week on the difference between passion and obsession. As Beth talked about St. Francis’ passion I began to wonder, “How St. Francis would answer this query?” But better yet, I think we all need to ask this query of ourselves to really know where our beliefs, values, passions, and purpose come from.
So, let’s ponder the following query this morning – What is your why?
Maybe grab a pencil or pen and write that down on a piece of paper this morning - What is your why?
In Japanese they have a term for this query. It is the term “ikigai” (yes, that sounds strange, but that is how it is said) – which translated means “a reason for being” and is anything that gives a deep sense of purpose to a person’s life and makes it worthwhile. It could be considered what you get up for every morning.
I first was introduced to ikigai by Rob Bell in his book, “How to Be Here” where he says, “Your ikigai is a work in progress because you are a work in progress. Knowing your ikigai, then, takes patience and insight, and courage, and honesty.”
Someone once suggested that we can begin to explore our why or ikigai, by going back and looking at our favorite movies when we were kids. What was your favorite movie as a kid?
I know for me, I liked Star Wars and still do, but one of my all-time favorite movies while I was in high school was the 1987 hit, “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” starring Steve Martin and the late John Candy. Some consider it the quintessential Thanksgiving movie. I know in the Henry household we watch it almost everything Thanksgiving.
During high school, my friend Rob and I loved this movie so much we wrote out the script and had most of the lines memorized after hundreds of viewings.
Looking back, today, I find it almost weird that this movie captured us, because there is very little a high schooler should relate to or even be drawn in by this movie.
Just listen to the description on Google:
Easily excitable Neal Page (played by Steve Martin) is somewhat of a control freak. Trying to get home to Chicago to spend Thanksgiving with his wife and kids, his flight is rerouted to a distant city in Kansas because of a freak snowstorm, and his sanity begins to fray. Worse yet, he is forced to bunk up with talkative Del Griffith (played by John Candy), whom he finds extremely annoying. Together they must overcome the insanity of holiday travel to reach their intended destination.
That same year was the The Lost Boys, Dirty Dancing, Princess Bride, Adventures in Babysitting, Robocop, and so many more, but somehow, I gravitated to a humorous story about two middle-aged men trying to get home for the holidays.
As our kids were being raised, I took some years off from watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles, but when I thought they were old enough to enjoy the movie, I shared it with them as almost a rite of passage. We laughed together through the “Those aren’t pillows” and “You’re going the wrong way – how do they know which way were going?” scenes just like I did throughout high school.
But then came the end of the movie where Neal Page has finally rid himself of Del Griffith and is headed home to celebrate Thanksgiving with his wife and kids. As he sits looking exhausted on the L-train in Chicago from his crazy road trip from hell with Del, he begins to put the pieces together and realizes Del Griffith was actually a homeless man, whose wife had died a long time ago, and he had no home to go to for Thanksgiving.
In coming to this realization, Neal’s heart changes and he takes the train back to where he left Del, only to find him sitting there alone in the station. Neal proceeds to take Del home to celebrate Thanksgiving with his family.
As I was watching the movie with my boys, I began to cry almost uncontrollably. Not once had I ever cried while watching this movie in high school, except maybe tears of laughter. Yet, I sense somewhere deep down, when I was watching that movie with my friend in high school and with my family later on, I had actually been connecting to my “why” all along.
Maybe ask yourself this week - What was my favorite movie growing up? And what might it be saying about my “why”?
Now, I am sure looking at the movies isn’t all we will need to do to find our “why.” We might also want to ask ourselves some more queries. Like, Why do I do the things I do, in my work (or retirement) and in my personal life?
I’ll be the first to admit it. For just over a decade of my adult life, I didn’t really stop to think much about why I did what I did. In ministry it seems almost a given.
Yet, I was also often in survival mode as is the reality for those in ministry trying to raise a family. Although I have enjoyed many things about my life and ministry, I was kind of living, on many occasions, on autopilot and never really taking the time to stop and reflect on what the point of all of it was.
That is why several years ago, I began going on personal retreats (weekend or week-long retreats) where I often work through some queries that both remind me and challenge me to get to the “why” behind my passions. Sometimes I need to be reminded and sometimes I need to learn new reasons and new aspects of my “why” to keep me going.
Take for instance, last year, on my personal retreat I explored my “why” by looking at my doubt – something that for many pastors is almost a forbidden subject. On the second day of my week-long retreat, I began to dig deeper, I wrote in my journey the following query:
Who am I without God, without Jesus, without the Holy Spirit, without Christian faith? Would there be a recognizable me left if I lost my faith?
For the next four days I wrestled with the very core of “What is my why?” I came away both challenged, inspired, and renewed.
I think Howard Thurman said it so well. He said, “Cultivate the discipline of listening to the sound of the genuine in yourself.” We all need to listen to what is genuinely us – not what someone else put in there for us, or that our environment has produced.
As I dedicated time cultivating that discipline of listening deeply to my own soul in that personal retreat, I found myself where Brian McLaren says doubt leads us: to the crossroads of bitter and better. This is a crossroad where I must make some personal choices. Where I choose whether my “why” will be shaped by breakthrough or break down, love or despair, being hollow or holy, and by choosing to listen to cynics or sages.
I would be more than willing to share more of this discovery with any of you over lunch some time – or you might want to pick up Brian McLaren’s book, “Faith after Doubt.” I highly recommend it.
But let’s get back to the present moment, without going on a retreat, how can we begin to explore “What is our why?” right now?
Leadership Coach, Sarah Kreischer says we can start by honestly exploring these queries (they are on the back of your bulletin),
· Why do you do what you do? And why is that important to you?
· Why do you get out of bed every day?
· What do you believe at your very core?
· What is the one reason you keep coming back to, regardless of what you’re doing or how you’re doing it?
She then says, “When you think about the answers to these questions, which answer makes you feel most alive? Which answer would you be the most excited to share with someone else?”
Again, it sounds a lot like Howard Thurman when he said, “Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
A few years ago, as I was doing research for a sermon, I came across a lecture on the number of questions Jesus asked in the Bible. Did you know that there are 339 questions of Jesus recorded in scripture.
In Matthew Jesus asked 109 questions.
In Mark Jesus asked 68 questions.
In Luke Jesus asked 107 questions.
And in John Jesus asked 55 questions.
That totals 339 questions in all.
I believe that Jesus knew that asking questions was not only a far more effective way to connect and engage with people, but it was a better way to help them discover their purpose, to help them come to their own conclusions, to make their own decisions, and find their “why” - than it ever would be to simply tell them what to do and why to do it!
Or as Kerry Dearborn, a professor emerita of theology at Seattle Pacific University said,
“I’m convinced Jesus used questions and stories as a means of connection and transformation — to awaken us, to whet our appetites, to invite us to draw nearer, that we might open up more fully to God and to God’s purposes in and for us.”
As we explore “What is our why? May it awaken us, whet our appetites, and invite us closer to the God of the Universe and to one another.
Now, as we enter waiting worship, I ask you to return to those queries I read earlier.
· Why do you do what you do? And why is that important to you?
· Why do you get out of bed every day?
· What do you believe at your very core?
· What is the one reason you keep coming back to, regardless of what you’re doing or how you’re doing it?