Learning to Look in Each Other’s Direction
Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting
Pastor Bob Henry
November 5, 2023
Good morning Friends, and welcome to Light Reflections. Our scripture reading for this morning is from Philippians 2:2-4 from the Voice translation.
…here is one thing that would complete my joy—come together as one in mind and spirit and purpose, sharing in the same love. Don’t let selfishness and prideful agendas take over. Embrace true humility, and lift your heads to extend love to others. Get beyond yourselves and protecting your own interests; be sincere, and secure your neighbors’ interests first.
If you knew me back in high school, you would have known me as the kid who spent most of his day in the art room. Since I lived just a couple blocks from my high school, I was able to be in the art room before school, after school until my art teacher left for the day, and often I would have 1 or 2 art classes during the day or a study hall that I would spend in the art room as well. I took every art class my high school offered.
It was clear that my passion was art. During my junior year, I began visiting colleges. My dad was a graduate of Purdue, so I almost felt obligated to at least check out the campus. I had heard they had an art program, but it was focused at the time on interior design. Honestly, interior design has always fascinated me.
Once on our anniversary about 10 years ago, Sue and I were staying with friends in San Rafael, California. They had moved into a house that they were having a hard time decorating. As we talked that afternoon, they showed us some pieces they wanted to utilize for decorating in their home, but also told us that they had some funds set aside to purchase other items to make their living space come together. That sparked my creativity, and I began sharing all kinds of ideas. At one point we all jumped into the car and headed to a store in San Rafael to purchase the other needed items. The rest of the afternoon and into the evening, I helped them decorate their home.
I know Sue wasn’t too happy with me, because I got so in my element with the designing, I forgot we were going to go out for an anniversary dinner while our friends watched our kids. I love creating and designing and helping people see the possibilities.
And if you are wondering, Sue and I did get to have our anniversary dinner, even though it was rather late that night. And yes, I think I was a bit in trouble.
Anyway, back to Purdue. We went and visited and took the tour. In 1990, the art buildings were brand new, as were the dorms, and I was impressed. Actually, I was kind of beginning to see myself staying in Indiana and going to my father’s alma mater.
That is until they told me that there was only one male student in the art program. That shocked me, but then our guide said something that a conservative Christian teen like me (at that time) found even more shocking. She openly said the one male student was gay and that I would probably have to room with him. Remember the world was quite different in the early 90’s and Aids and anything LGBTQ was feared by many across the country.
If only, I could go back with all I know and believe now. I think I would have made a lot of different choices. The fear and anxiety of people different than us that the church I grew up in dealt out, created so much of an “us vs. them” mentality that I believe it may have gotten in the way of me seeing my full potential and the full potential of those around me.
Well, that is all history as they say. So, why am I telling you this…well…a few weeks ago, we visited our oldest child, Alex in Austin Texas. On one of the days when Alex was working, my mom asked if we could go to Waco, Texas and visit The Silos.
Now, if you are familiar with the enterprise that Chip and Joanna Gaines has made with their Magnolia brand coming from their hit show on HGTV called, “Fixer Upper,” then you probably know what I am talking about. If not, you were like me when I stepped onto their property in downtown Waco which ironically does have two huge rusty old silos – thus the name.
The truth is, I have never seen one episode of Fixer Upper, still today – and now Chip and Joanna Gaines have their own TV network. I am still crying through reruns of Extreme Home Makeover from the early 2000’s.
Well, as we walked around the shops at the Silos, something arose inside of me. My creativity was sparked in a weird kind of way. I began to think about those days when I considered doing something like what Chip and Joanna were doing.
Well, as with most things, after we got in the car to drive back to Alex, I tried quickly to move on from the experience. But something at The Silos and walking through the shops and Magnolia Market sparked my interest and I needed to know more. It wasn’t just the product or the novelty of the Gaines taking over a couple city blocks to build a destination in Waco, Texas (a place that desperately needed a destination). Rather for me it was about wanting to know the story behind all of this.
So, after I got home, I began to do some research on the Magnolia brand and Chip and Joanna Gaines. And like anything on the internet, they had their many followers and their critics. Everything from them being narrow-minded because of their Christian upbringing to people predicting when they would divorce. In one of the articles I read, a woman encouraged everyone to not make any judgements until they had read their story – because she said it isn’t what you think.
I have had many mentors who’ve said don’t judge a person by what others say, take the time to hear their story, first. I will have to say, I was a bit skeptical. But I download The Magnolia Story on Hoopla and began listening while I was working out at the gym. After I plowed through that book, I decided to listen to Chip Gaines latest book, No Pain, No Gaines. And finally, just this week, I finished Chip’s other book, Capital Gaines: Smart Things I Learned Doing Stupid Stuff.
Now, these books seemed way outside my norm and even Chip or Joanna are not the kind of people I would at first be drawn to. But as I listened, I found myself laughing at times, pondering some deep thoughts on occasion, and even stopping and rewinding to see if I heard what was being said.
And this is where this all intersects with this week’s message. Last week we talked about those we make “witches” out of – and often celebrities are the easiest targets. Chip and Joanna Gaines clearly have been and will continue to be targets because of their popularity. And even though I probably would never have listened to their books or visited Waco to see The Silos if it weren’t for my mom, I could have easily joined in with the critics or naysayers, assumed what I thought I knew about them, and simply not taken the time to hear them out.
Well, this week, as I was finishing Capital Gaines (Chip’s first book) while on the treadmill, I literally stopped my exercise, because Chip Gaines, unexpectedly began to speak to my condition. Remember, in my series on prophets, how I talked about the unexpected and surprising people that become prophets in our lives?
Well, in chapter 14, Chip began to be an unexpected prophet. It’s true, most of Chip’s stories are engaging, some really funny, but also interspersed with what I would label “cliché Christian writing.” Yet for some reason this chapter was different.
If I would have paid money for the book, instead of downloading from Hoopla, what Chip says in the 14th chapter of Capital Gaines would be worth the price of the book. And not only does it flow out of the teaching from last week, what he states includes some important queries for us to ponder. Instead of trying to paraphrase, I want you to hear what I heard.
Here is what Chip Gaines’ says.
“Some people show enormous resistance to modifying even a fraction of themselves. They’re not about to shift the way they think or what they think they know. They simply expect others to get with the program and – to adjust their mindset and fall into their way of thinking. How ignorant for any one of us to assume that we have a monopoly on right perspectives and no one else even holds a piece of the puzzle. And how arrogant to just demand that people change for us without ever making the effort to know them as human beings or understand where they are coming from.
Wow, what Chip is getting at was exactly what Eric Baker had pointed out during Waiting Worship last week, when he talked about the phrase, I used in my message about making people into “witches” when “we lack an interest in hearing or knowing their story.”
Chip goes on to ask some important queries for us to ponder:
· I wonder if being angrily shouted at or arrogantly debated with has ever swayed a single person?
· Are human hearts moved by being ridiculed and mocked?
· When people fling accusations with the presumption of knowing another person’s intentions, what possible outcome could they be hoping for?
· Who would ever move to their enemy’s camp under such treatment?
Those are some really, really important universal queries to ponder in our world today. And with the polarization we see happening within Christianity, politics, the media, and even our own families, these might just be where we need to start.
But Chip wasn’t done, he was just “priming the pump” for what he really wanted to say. He continues,
“I believe we won’t get anywhere, that no healing or breakthrough can occur apart from developing actual relationships with one another. As much as I love Twitter, Twitter feuds aren’t going to work. Actually, connecting requires true face-to-face time…
I believe with all my heart that it’s only after working side by side with another person that you earn the right to speak into that person’s life. It’s a basis of friendship that can forge a path toward common ground…
…Then it’s at the dining room table, laden with lovingly prepared food, that walls come down. It’s around the table that you discover you might, in fact, love the person you were pretty sure you were supposed to hate. It’s here that both sides are heard, and hearts begin to change. Maybe not wholly. This isn’t some manipulative act where the goal is to win someone over to your side. The goal is listening and truly hearing. It’s letting your guard down and letting your heart open up. The goal is to leave the table no longer as strangers or enemies, but as fellow travelers on the journey of life. Maybe you leave as friends who have chosen to agree-to-disagree on some things. This is where fear and hate begin to lose their grip. This is where you begin to have each other’s back even when you can’t fully embrace each other’s cause.”
Some of you may be thinking as I was, “Chip, I don’t even know if we can get around the table in the first place.” Is it that bad? Maybe this is where the church could help. Maybe we need to provide opportunities for people with different perspectives to come together around a meal. Kind of like we do at our new attender dinners. At least, it would be a place to start.
Yet before we even get to this, Chip thinks there is another issue we need to address. He says,
“The truth is, we don’t have to agree on everything to be friends, but a lot of people – a lot of people – seem to think we do. That popular and toxic lie has taken our beautiful planet and turned it into a battleground. The assumption is, if you don’t think like me, not only are you wrong, but you are bad and possibly even evil.”
Chip went from preaching to meddlin’ right here. It starts with me. Is this how I feel about others? That if they don’t think like me, then they are simply wrong. That would quickly isolate me from over half of our society.
Now, PLEASE understand there are people who are abusive, who are intentionally out to harm people, who are bad and possibly even evil. They need professional help, maybe even jail time to be reformed, rather than an invite to your table. We must be careful and not put ourselves in harms way. Some of these people could be mentally disturbed, needing medication, or needing removed from society for the safety of others and even themselves.
If anything, I believe Chip is talking about people that we allow in our community that we may have differences with that are not posing a personal threat to us.
Well, Chip ends up wrapping things up with a couple last thoughts (maybe even a warning) that I believe speaks to us personally and as a Meeting. He says,
“There is no chance for any of us to see eye to eye if we are unwilling to even look in each other’s direction. Hate masquerading as righteousness can sit in church every Sunday and no one bats an eye. Contempt and judgement clothed in concern says more about “the concerned” than “the concerning,” if you catch my drift…
…I believe we are all children of God, the whole lot of us. This means that we are all inherently beautiful, flawed as we are. We all have truth and goodness within us, and our lives were created with intentionality…Every person that you happen upon in your lifetime has a story to tell. Every person on the planet has the ability to teach us, if we will only be willing to listen.”
So, I am glad that I took the time to explore someone’s story and not just write them off or judge them as a celebrity. Doing so allowed me to hear a deeper message for us all. And if all we do is take a moment this week to look in someone’s direction that we haven’t before, we might just find the world a better place.
So, as we enter waiting worship this morning, I want us to ponder some of Chip’s thoughts through the following queries.
1. How often do I think I have the right and only perspectives on issues?
2. Where am I building actual relationships and working side-by-side with people who may think different than me?
3. Who might I need to invite to join me at my table to hear more of their story?