Gestures of Love
Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting
Pastor Bob Henry
February 12, 2023
Good morning and welcome to Light Reflections. Our scripture reading for this morning is one you have probably heard many times. I Corinthians 13:4-7 from the New Revised Standard Version.
Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable; it keeps no record of wrongs; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
This coming week, we will celebrate St. Valentine’s Day - a day that celebrates the many facets of love, and has several very interesting origin stories.
One of the most popular origin stories or legends contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death.
If you read any of the Valentine legends – all of them end in Valentine being put to death or martyred.
Whatever the legend, the feast day and celebration continue in modern times, thankfully much different than how the legends end. Obviously, the day has been transformed into a day to share “gestures of love” with that someone special – everything from cards, chocolate, roses, poetry, and the like.
But this morning, I want to expand that idea of “gestures of love.” In one of my favorite books, Turning to One Another: Simple Conversations to Restore Hope to the Future, by Margaret Wheatly she closes her book with a chapter ironically titled, “Gestures of Love.”
She defines “Gestures of Love” in this way, saying:
“I think of a gesture of love as anything we do that helps others discover their humanity. Any act where we turn to one another. Open our hearts. Extend ourselves. Listen. Any time we’re patient. Curious. Quiet. Engaged.”
I am sure if you took a moment, you could make a list of all the gestures of love that you have received over the years and who gave them to you.
When someone helped you discover your humanity.
When someone turned to you, opened their heart, extended themselves, and listened to you.
Maybe it was someone in this very Meetingroom or if you are watching online – someone in your home.
One of the most important things about people sharing a “gesture of love” is where it all begins – a conversation.
Margaret Wheatly says,
“Conversation does this – it requires that we extend ourselves, that we open our minds and heart a bit more, that we turn to someone, curious about how they live their life.”
Sadly, in our over-tech focused world, these conversations are becoming more and more rare. Today, a text or an email replace that initial conversation and the depth of life is missed or simply assumed.
As a pastor, I am blessed to have daily conversations with people within in our meeting. These conversations whether over the phone, on Facebook Messenger, accompanied by a cup of coffee or lunch lead to opportunities to offer “gestures of love.”
As well, I believe First Friends is getting more and more intentional about offering opportunities where conversations can take place. Every week, I am blessed by the conversations that take place in Seeking Friends before worship. Our men and women have opportunities to have meaningful conversations at Threshing Together and Soul Sisters. We also have small groups, book and study groups, new attender dinners, and the list could go on where conversations are encouraged among Friends.
Margret Wheatley says we need these opportunities, especially today, because,
“Speaking to each other involves risk. It’s often difficult to extend ourselves, to let down our guard, especially with those we fear or avoid. When we are willing to overcome our fear and speak to them, that is a gesture of love. Strangely what we say is not that important. We have ended the silence that keeps us apart.”
Paulo Friere (Fray-ray) the Brazillian educator and philosopher would have agreed with Wheatley, he described love, “as an act of courage, not of fear.”
For that matter, the apostle Paul makes this point as well, his description of love is detailed in our scripture for today, and Paul points out that offering these gestures of love is not always easy and at times risky. Paul says,
"Love is patient, love is kind, it isn't jealous, it doesn't brag, it isn't arrogant, it isn't rude, it doesn't seek its own advantage, it isn't irritable, it doesn't keep a record of complaints."
When you and I are brave enough to risk opening ourselves up through a loving conversation, we must also be aware of why we are opening that conversation, and how we are approaching it. Our words hold great meaning and depth and often reveal a lot about ourselves.
This is what Paul is getting at by warning about being jealous, arrogant, rude, bragging, or taking advantage of people.
The world is schooled in these, but when we begin the conversation as a gesture of love, we start by being patient and kind and having courage to continue. This then can lead to us rediscovering what it means to be human.
It is by having conversations that we practice good human behaviors as Paul in 1 Corinthians described. And as Margaret Wheatly points out. She says by doing this…
“We become visible to one another. We gain insights and new understandings. And as we stay in conversation, we may discover that we want to be activists in our world. We get interested in what we can do to change things. Conversation wakes us up… Conversation helps us reclaim these very human capacities and experience. That is a gesture of love.”
As Quakers we often focus a great deal on silence, but I believe if that is all we have, we are missing so much and even our opportunity to help. Don’t get me wrong - there is a time for silence, but there is equally a need and time for dialogue.
Each week I pose queries at the end of my messages, as well we send them out in our Friend-to-Friend newsletter. The reason for the queries is two-fold.
1. They are for you to personally contemplate and consider and
2. They are for you to begin a conversation with a neighbor or friend.
Some of the best conversations I have during the week happen around our queries.
Often those conversations inspire conviction and a desire to help, seek and answer, or make a change. Often those conversations produce gestures of love. Maybe it is the need for prayer, meals, companionship, a drive to an appointment, even meeting a financial need.
As well, every week, I overhear or am engaged in a conversation in our meeting where people take a risk and share, and most of the time they are met with a gesture of love.
This I believe is because as Quakers we value equality. True conversation can only take place among equals. If anyone feels superior, it destroys conversation.
Let’s be honest, this is why many people completely avoid conversations or choose to be passive aggressive.
Margaret Wheatley says,
“Those who act superior can’t help but treat others as objects to accomplish their causes and plans. When we see each other as equals we stop misusing them…Acknowledging you as my equal is a gesture of love.”
I don’t know if you noticed, but the distinctives that afford us the opportunity to offer gestures of love meld well with our S.P.I.C.E.S. of Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community, Equality, and Stewardship.
Quaker Isaac Pennington in his letter from 1667 summed it up so well, saying:
Our life is love, and peace, and tenderness; and bearing one with another, and forgiving one another, and not laying accusations one against another; but praying one for another and helping one another up with a tender hand.
So, this morning, as part of waiting worship, I want you all to take a risk and maybe even extend yourself and begin a conversation with someone around you.
Since you are watching online, you may want to have a conversation with a family member or make a phone call to a friend or someone you know in the Meeting.
Instead of contemplating in silence, you can make some noise and dialogue about this query:
What do I love about First Friends? and why?
Go find someone and start a conversation – and find ways to share gestures of love with those around you, today!