Embracing Compassion Through Patience
Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting
Pastor Bob Henry
February 11, 2024
Good morning, friends and welcome to Light Reflections. This morning our scriptures are from John 14:5-11 from the New Revised Standard Version.
Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you know me, you will know my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.”
Philip said to him, “Lord, show us the Father, and we will be satisfied.” Jesus said to him, “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and you still do not know me? Whoever has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? Do you not believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me? The words that I say to you I do not speak on my own; but the Father who dwells in me does his works. Believe me that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; but if you do not, then believe me because of the works themselves.
I want to begin my message this morning, by sharing a story a New York City taxi driver wrote:
I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes, I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift, I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.
'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940's movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.
There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks, or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said.
I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm, and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.'
'Oh, you're such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'
'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly…
'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice.
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued in a soft voice. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.'
I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
'What route would you like me to take?' I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now'. We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
'How much do I owe you?' She asked, reaching into her purse.
'Nothing,' I said.
'You have to make a living,' she answered.
'There are other passengers,' I responded.
Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.'
I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.
Behind me, a door shut, it was the sound of the closing of a life…
I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
I love that story. Well, after talking about integrity last week, I found myself pondering another aspect of integrity which was illustrated beautifully in the Taxi Driver’s story – that being patience and its link to compassion.
Dr. Judith Orloff of Psychology Today’s in an article titled “The Power of Patience” speaks of this link. She says,
Patience doesn’t mean passivity or resignation, but power. It’s an emotionally freeing practice of waiting, watching, and knowing when to act. I want to give patience a twenty-first-century makeover, so you’ll appreciate its worth. Patience has gotten a bad rap for the wrong reasons. Too many people, when you say, “Have patience,” it feels unreasonable and inhibiting, an unfair stalling of aspirations, some Victorian hang-up or hangover. Is this what you’re thinking?
Well, reconsider. I’m presenting patience as a form of compassion, a re-attuning to intuition, a way to emotionally redeem your center in a world filled with frustration.
I like what she is getting at. If we were to look at patience as a form of compassion, a re-attuning to intuition, a way to emotionally redeem one’s center, it would be beneficial, and I can see it immediately making a difference in our personal and corporate lives. And I don’t know about you, but what Dr. Orloff is talking about seems very much Quaker in orientation and process.
See, early Quakers discovered a third way to respond to, what they labeled, “the presence of darkness” within their own hearts and in the surrounding society.
They embraced what they called patient waiting, to help them be more compassionate to their neighbors, to help re-focus themselves on seeking after truth, and to ultimately center themselves before making decisions. This is why we have a time of waiting worship each Sunday during worship. Or if you attend our unprogrammed worship on Sunday, Monday, or Wednesday this is the center of the worship experience.
If you notice, Dr. Orloff’s makeover is simply taking us back to our Quaker roots. In Barclay’s Apology, he describes two important aspects of Quaker waiting, by saying,
One type of waiting is the sense of being patient, listening to the Inward Guide in this case. The other type of waiting is an active verb, concerned with giving service to God and other people.
Instead of getting caught up in “darkness,” frustration, and the externals pressures of this world, waiting in patience is what Dr. Orloff says, “draws us inward to a greater wisdom….”
It connects us to our Inward Guide, as Barclay said, and to how we are to respond and give service to the world around us.
Dr. Orloff concludes by saying,
“…patience doesn’t make you a doormat or unable to set boundaries with people…Rather, it lets you intuit the situations to get a larger more loving view to determine right action.”
Just like we heard in the taxi driver’s story at the beginning of my sermon.
Folks, patience is what helps us love and act in ways that are beneficial to our community.
Let’s be honest, the reality is that most of us are wrestling in our busy lives and world with our impatience and its negative effects on that needed love and action that Dr. Orloff is speaking about.
Let’s take a moment to ponder some of this as it relates to impatience:
· In what sort of situations do you find yourself most impatient?
· Why are you impatient, and how do you deal with your impatience?
· What groups, people, organizations, etc. cause you to be impatient?
[Pause and reflect]
When we start to address the “darkness” around us, the frustration that seems to grip us, the external pressures that we, our work, our families, the news, our world put on us, we begin to notice the impatience that is or has been growing.
We begin to notice the lack of compassion we have for our neighbors and their situations (as well as compassion for ourselves). We begin to have “short fuses” and become irritated by little things.
We notice that we are no longer as intuitive and willing to try and reason or understand or work to see what is actually going on (or take time to understand the back story). Instead we are quick to make assumptions and think our view is the right and only way.
And then as part of our struggle and impatience, we may even go as far as losing control of our emotions. Some may go inward in a negative way and become depressed emotionally while others may become outwardly expressive emotionally. There are many ways we express our struggle.
If you noticed in today’s scripture, we are given a picture of the disciples’ impatience with Jesus.
Thomas is frustrated because he doesn’t know where Jesus is going. And isn’t sure he knows the way?
Philip wants to see fully or clearly – and only when he does will he be satisfied.
Now, these two disciples I think we can relate to. Thomas and Philip remind me of the children in the back seat asking their parent driving,
“Are we there yet?” “How much longer?” “Do we need a map?” “Are we lost?” “How much further?” “Are we going to run out of gas?”
And Jesus is simply saying, “Trust me.”
And then over the years, the conversation continues to develop into the parents saying to the child, “Be aware, watch, notice your surroundings – check the street signs, know the neighborhoods you are in, someday soon you will be driving.” The parent is trying to bestow on the child “the way,” “the truth” and “the life.”
Jesus is being the patient example and teacher. He is teaching the disciples to follow his way, to be truth, and to live life to the fullest - all while asking them to be patient.
Yet Jesus goes even one step further in saying, if you can’t believe me in this, let the works speak for themselves. Let what I have shown you and done among you speak for itself.
In the book, The Jesus Way, Eugene Peterson says,
“A Christian congregation, the church in your neighborhood, has always been the primary location for getting this way and truth and life of Jesus believed and embodied.”
If Peterson is right, what might this mean for you and me and First Friends?
Just think about that for a moment. Are we willing to be patient and slow down so we can embody the way, the truth, and the life among our neighbors, our families, our world? Like the taxi driver’s story at the beginning of my message.
To close, I would like to leave you with this thought from my friends John Pattison and Chris Smith in their book, Slow Church. They say,
“The local church is the crucible in which we are forged as the patient people of God… Just as marriage vows serve as a covenant bond that holds a couple together in difficult times, our commitment to our faith community is essential if we are to learn patience and practice stability. Patience can hold us together when other forces conspire to rip us asunder.”
That last quote should be written everywhere as a reminder for us as we continue this journey of life. “Patience can hold us together when other forces conspire to rip us asunder.”
So now as we intentionally embrace some patient or waiting worship, take a moment to return to those three queries I shared earlier:
· In what sort of situations do I find myself most impatient?
· Why am I impatient, and how do I deal with my impatience?
· What groups, people, organizations, etc. cause me to be impatient?