Empathy, It’s Hard (Part 3)
Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting
Pastor Bob Henry
September 25, 2022
Good morning, Friends and welcome to Light Reflections. This week I am on part three of my series on Empathy. The scripture text for this morning is Micah 6:8 from the New Revised Standard Version.
He has told you, O mortal, what is good,
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice and to love kindness
and to walk humbly with your God?
On Monday, as I sat down to write the next sermon in this series on Empathy, I took a moment to reflect where we have been so far. If you missed a sermon in this series, you may want to go back and watch it on our YouTube channel.
In my first sermon I shared that I believe empathy is a gift that enables us to take the perspective of another, to see the world as Thoreau says, “through their eyes,” and to deeply connect with them in a way that wouldn’t be possible without this special gift. And at the end of the message, I focused on Lauren Graham’s signs that we are not doing empathy well.
Last week, I showed us how Jesus’ empathy arose out of his own relational, emotional, and physical suffering, and how he responded to the marginalized of his day through cognitive, affective, compassionate, and saving/pro-social/spiritual empathy. Leaving us to ponder how we are or should respond to those suffering in our world.
Today, I want to explore why empathy often seems to have a problem within religion and especially Christianity, today. To help us explore this, I will be referencing Senior Lecturer in Psychology from Leeds Beckett University, Dr. Steve Taylor’s perspective on this subject.
But before we dive into the meat of Dr. Taylor’s work and what I have gleaned from it, I want to take you back to Monday morning when I sat down to write this message.
As I opened Facebook after my morning meditation, I took a moment to look at my Facebook Memories realizing that 2 years ago I had posted about the monumental passing of Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
At the same time, I was receiving updates about Queen Elizabeth’s funeral happening that morning, so I turned on my TV to have the funeral playing in the background.
As I returned to my memories, I read how 8 years ago my mom was cleared to begin therapy to walk again after enduring a head-on automobile collision in Oregon.
And how 9 years ago that Monday I was interviewing fellow pastor and Friend, Phil Gulley on his new book at the time, “Living the Quaker Way” for Englewood Review of Books.
And then, overwhelmingly sprinkled through my memories each year since I first jumped on Facebook in 2007, were memorials to the passing of singer and songwriter, Rich Mullins. Monday happened to be the 25th anniversary of his sudden and early death by a car accident in Bloomington, Illinois back in 1997. I realized within the first hour that this was becoming a rather heavy day for me to be reviewing my memories.
I paused for a moment and thought I would mute the funeral procession of Queen Elizabeth and jump off Facebook and take a few more moments to listen to some of Rich’s music. After a couple of my favorites, a song that has always spoke to my condition came on. The song was “Hard” by Rich Mullins. I have asked Eric to come and play it for us today to set the tone for this message.
[Eric will play “Hard.”]
Thank you, Eric.
Dr. Taylor says that the teachings of religious leaders such as Jesus set a high bar for human behavior and that their followers often struggle to meet these standards.
This is what Rich Mullins was wrestling with in that song Eric just sang. We must be honest, it’s not easy to love your enemy; it’s not easy to turn the other cheek when someone insults or injures you. It's not easy to refrain from lying or harming other living beings.
Nevertheless, in our world today, it often surprises me when people who call themselves religious, or more specifically Christian, act in ways that are contrary to the basic teachings of their faith.
Most experts, including Dr. Taylor, state that the essence of Jesus’s teachings is empathy and compassion – as I tried to highlight last week in my sermon. Dr. Taylor says that,
“At a time when the Romans were oppressing and murdering his people, Jesus advocated his followers to ‘do good to those who hate you’ and ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him.’ At a time when human life was full of brutality and war, Jesus stated that ‘Blessed are the peacemakers,’ and advised soldiers to ‘Put your sword back into its place; for those who live by the sword, die by the sword.’
And yet, the actions of many who claim they are Christian in our world today are difficult to understand in light of these teachings.
I too find myself questioning this all the time. I personally find it really hard to do good to those who hate me – and God forbid I would want to make them dinner or take care of their needs.
Even though I am a Quaker, I find my actions not befitting a peacemaker on occasion. Sure, I have a sticker on my car that says, “War is not the answer” but often I find myself embroiled in wars of a much different nature – conversational or email wars, Meeting wars, even theological wars. I have to ask myself, do I really believe in peacemaking or just getting what I want or being right?
Dr. Taylor asks some poignant queries regarding these difficulties:
· Why are some Christians suspicious and hostile towards marginalized groups, rather than being charitable?
· Why do some Christians advocate conflict and aggression towards other countries rather than pursuing peace?
· Why do they support government leaders who seem incapable of empathy and compassion, and whose policies lead to increased xenophobia and conflict?
This is nothing new, history shows that there has always been a massive gulf between religious teaching and the actions of religious people.
Dr. Taylor pointed out that hundreds of millions of people have been killed in the name of Christianity. From the Crusades to the Spanish Inquisition and the Nazis, violent psychopaths have used the Christian religion as a pretext for mass murder, or at least seen no contradiction in committing atrocities whilst professing to be Christians.
Talk about hard…this is hard.
So why is there a tragic mismatch between Christian teachings and the actions of Christian people?
Dr. Taylor says it is too simplistic to accuse religious people of hypocrisy, of not being real Christians…, or of twisting the teachings of their religion to suit their own ends. Those are what we usually go-to.
There is some truth in all those accusations, but Dr. Taylor believes that there is a more fundamental reason. He says,
“While religions may teach compassion and empathy, actually being religious often leads to a diminishing of the capacity for empathy and compassion. For many people, the function of religion is to strengthen the self, bringing a sense of certainty and superiority and group identity. Feeling that you possess ‘the truth’ and that everyone else who has different beliefs is wrong, provides a very strong sense of identity, which is bolstered by the feeling of belonging to a group. And a strong sense of ego or self often equates with a low level of empathy and compassion. As our beliefs become stronger, the boundaries of our self become stronger, and we find it more difficult to connect with other human beings. We become ‘walled-in’ by the strong structures of our identity. As many studies have shown, religious people find it easy to empathize with and be altruistic to members of their group, but are much less empathetic and altruistic towards members of other groups.
Another way of putting this is that for most people, the actual teachings of religions aren’t so important. The paramount thing is the psychological function of religions — that is, the sense of certainty and identity that they provide. The psychological benefits of religion are so great that some believers are able to ignore and contradict the essential teachings of their religion, without experiencing any cognitive discord. Their need for belief outweighs their need for self-authenticity.”
Obviously, Dr. Taylor is painting with a broad brush, but he is getting to the core of what I believe Quakers have always wrestled with inside the bubble of religion.
Instead of possessing “the truth” Friends have always worked to be “convinced of” or “seek” the truth together.
Therefore, Friends will lean more toward uncertainty than having it all figured out.
We will encourage people to ask deeper queries, and work to interact in community instead of on our own.
· It’s why our Faith and Practice is seen as a guide, and a fluid document which can always be questioned and changed.
· It is why we do not adhere to rigid dogmas, doctrines, or creeds.
· Its why we embrace Continuing Revelation – which keeps us on our feet looking for what new thing the Divine is doing in our midst. And it allows for us to evolve and grow in our understanding of God and our neighbor.
· It is why we have many interpretations of scripture and seek guidance from outside the Bible.
· It is why we do not have images and symbols in our Meetinghouses so all are welcomed and walls and barriers are not set between those of differing beliefs.
· It is why as Friends, Peace is not just about killing others, but also learning to have respect for them.
· It is why we are not a denomination but rather a Society of Friends, or even better yet… a way of life.
And these aspects of the Quaker Way have historically been put in place to help keep us from becoming myopic, from naval gazing, and only helping ourselves or protecting our way.
Have we always been able to do this? No. Actually, we have many Quaker Meetings who have closed because they could not see outside their four walls. Who became myopic, lost in naval gazing, only to lay down their meetings or churches while protecting their so-called beliefs or ideas.
That is not what I want to see happen at First Friends – even though we are always very close to this reality, especially when we get comfortable, stop asking questions, and forget those outside our four walls.
To help put this in perspective, I often turn to the closing paragraph of Phil Gulley’s book, “Living the Quaker Way” where he reminds us what it means to live the Quaker Way. He says,
“Any religion that does not have a kind and hopeful word for the world’s oppressed or creates by virtue of its principles an underclass is not a religion worth our dedication or obedience. As for me, I want no part of any god or religion that exalts some and vilifies others…To live the Quaker way is to see God not just in some but in all. It is to want the best for all and to work for that lofty goal with a cheerful heart and unflagging zeal. It is to want what Jesus wanted – God’s kingdom of peace and justice to be realized on earth, just as it is realized in heaven. To live the Quaker way is to scorn injustice and reject self-interested privilege. It is in the words of the prophet Micah, to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with the God who cherishes all.”
So, my prayer this morning is that we at First Friends would not become myopic, but rather embrace the hard work of living together the Quaker Way. Let us not diminish our empathy and compassion for others to protect our own desires, certainty, or superiority.
To help us center down into waiting worship, I have a couple queries for us to ponder this morning.
· Where have I become “walled-in” by the structures of my identity and ego? Where has First Friends become “walled-in” by the structures of our identity and ego?
· Where in my life am I seeking “the best for all”? What privilege(s) may I need to reject or lay down to better welcome and serve my neighbor?