Tell Me More: The Value of Staying Curious
Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting
Eric Baker
July 7, 2024
Good morning, Friends and thank you for joining Light Reflections. Today’s scripture is Proverbs 1:1-7,New International Version.
“The proverbs of Solomon, son of David, king of Israel:
for gaining wisdom and instruction;
for understanding words of insight;
for receiving instruction in prudent behavior,
doing what is right and just and fair;
for giving prudence to those who are simple,
knowledge and discretion to the young—
let the wise listen and add to their learning,
and let the discerning get guidance—
for understanding proverbs and parables,
the sayings and riddles of the wise.
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and instruction.”
Most of you know that my earliest love, the thing I’ve done my entire life, is music. I’ve always enjoyed playing music for the joy it seems to bring to other people. Music can bring smiles to faces, it can cause people to get up and dance, to sing along… And, something I’m most interested in these days, is that music is something that can bring down walls and unite people. It can connect us to one another, to a certain degree.
I was in the gas station a few weeks ago, standing in line, inside the convenience store, to get a bottle of water on one of the very hot days we’ve had recently. Standing in front of me was a guy with a t-shirt that had… Well, let’s just say, it was a t-shirt I would never wear, because of what it was promoting. I tried my best not to think bad thoughts and judge this guy standing just a few feet in front of me. And then, out of nowhere, the convenience store speakers started playing “Gimme Some Lovin’”, by the Spencer Davis Group (featuring a young Steve Winwood). Immediately, this guy and I were both moving to the beat, and within about 5 seconds, started talking to each other about how we both loved this song. I’d love to tell you that we hugged it out right there in line, and I convinced him to burn that t-shirt, and stop promoting such hateful messages. But that would be a lie.
If music can be a uniter of people on a somewhat superficial level, what can help us to go deeper? What can connect us in more significant ways?
For several years now, I’ve performed music at an assisted living facility in Fishers, once a month. I come in, usually on a Wednesday afternoon, to perform music during the residents’ happy hour. And it’s a great time, and something I look forward to every month. I’ve gotten to know several of the residents there over the last few years. And one that I always look forward to seeing and talking with is a gentleman named Jim. Jim and his wife are both 91 years old, and just last week celebrated 70 years of marriage to one another. Jim was an all-American high jumper in high school, and went to the University of Michigan on a track scholarship. After college, he and his wife moved to central Indiana and raised their kids here. A few weeks ago when I was there, we were catching up, and I told Jim that I had just that week marked the occasion of turning 50 years old. He smiled and said, “50? Well you’re just a kid. I’m almost twice your age!” We laughed, and I made some remark about how well he and his wife are aging, and how much joy they seem to exude. And here’s what he said:
“Thanks, Eric. You know, my wife and I have watched so many of our friends get older, and become convinced that their life is over, so they just sit in a corner and wait to die. We didn’t want to do that. We still love life. We love each other, and we love the joy and energy we get from spending time with other people in our lives. We thought about just sitting in a corner and waiting to die”, he smirked, “but, um, we didn’t really see a future in that.”
Jim’s got jokes!
“We still love life. …And we love the joy and energy we get from spending time with other people.” That’s certainly something to reflect on. But, we’ll get back to that later.
Today’s scripture we just heard was the first 7 verses of the book of Proverbs, written by King Solomon, the king of Israel, and the son of King David. Solomon is said to have been the wisest man in the world. And the book of Proverbs are his sayings, his instructions, in a way, for gaining wisdom.
Verse 5 of that passage says this: ”Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance”.
I decided to call this message, “Tell Me More: The Value of Staying Curious”, and not simply “The Value of Being Curious”. I believe we’re all born curious. How many parents listening today can recall conversations with your toddler child, where they would simply ask “Why?” over and over? This is how we start to try and understand how the world works, right? So, what is it that happens, sometime between childhood and later in life, that can so often turn that curiosity off?
When I was growing up, one thing that was instilled in me was that any adult in my life could be an authority figure. I grew up spending time not just with immediate family, but with extended family, as well. In those settings, it didn’t matter if it was my parents, grandparents, aunts or uncles telling me something – the expectation was that I was going to listen to them, and generally do what I was told. The same was true in church. If my brother and I were getting rambunctious during one of the pastor’s sermons, it didn’t matter if we were distracting one of my parents, or Dave Brandt the greeter, or Verna Aurthur the Sunday School teacher, or even George, the guy who smelled a little different, and might have been homeless. If they had words for me, I was expected to listen.
As a middle-aged adult now, thinking back on those days, the value that has stayed with me is this: Any person is someone who might have something to teach me. Again, any person is someone who might have something to teach me. In fact, when I reflect on that, it sounds very Quakerly, in line with values we talk about here – to try and recognize “that of God” in everyone I meet.
Now, we may be getting a little ahead of ourselves here. I mean, isn’t curiosity just the desire to obtain more information? To understand things? Well, yes. But what if we talk about curiosity in the context of not only understanding things, but trying to better understand people, as well? And for that, let me throw out a related concept: that of empathy.
In her article “The Importance of Curiosity and Empathy”, written last year, business consultant and writer Christine Peterson says this:
Without curiosity, we will have no drive to explore, to learn, or to grow intellectually. Without empathy, we will have no ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Curiosity and empathy are two powerful traits that have a profound impact on our personal growth, relationships, and understanding of the world. Curiosity fuels exploration, innovation, and learning, while empathy enables a deeper understanding of others' perspectives, needs, and emotions.
She says, “At its core, curiosity is a genuine desire to understand the world around us. It propels us to ask questions, seek new knowledge, and explore different perspectives. If you are curious, you are more likely to engage in active listening.”
Wait, listening… Where have I heard that before? That’s right – Verse 5 of the passage from Proverbs – “Let the wise listen and add to their learning”. In essence, let the wise listen and get wiser.
Peterson goes on to say, “By genuinely empathizing with others’ concerns, challenges, and aspirations, we can build stronger relationships, inspire trust, and create a more inclusive and supportive environment. Empathy nurtures curiosity by fostering a genuine interest in the world of others.”
So, let me see if I’m getting this: Curiosity leads to learning, and empathy leads to understanding people from their own perspective.
Let’s go back to my friend Jim, the 91 year old who decided not to just sit in a corner and wait to die. What do you think it is that continues to motivate him, what fuels his curiosity to cause him to keep discovering the value and meaning in living a full life? I would submit this: An open-ness.
Let’s explore the idea of what it means to be “open”. I think we probably know what it means to have an open mind – someone who isn’t stuck in preconditioned ideas or stereotypes – stereotypes about things, or stereotypes about people – both individuals and people groups.
That’s an open mind. So what about an open heart? Ok, I can almost hear some of you groaning - An open heart? Is that one of those things we talk about as we’re holding hands in a circle, and singing Kum-by-yah? Well, not necessarily.
Someone who has an open heart is kind, loving, generous. You might recognize some of these traits if you’re familiar with the writings of the Apostle Paul, when he writes in the New Testament book of Galatians about the “fruits of the Spirit”. He writes, in chapter 5: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness…”. Those sound like the traits of someone with an open heart.
In fact, what if being open, and the practice of curiosity is simply the channel, or conduit, if you will, that moves us into deeper and better understanding of one another, and how we all belong in the world?
Ok, we’ve talked about having an open mind, and having an open heart. What about an open hand, metaphorically?
In his song “We Are the People”, musician and producer Martin Garrix, along with U2’s Bono and the Edge, proclaim this in the chorus:
We are the people we've been waiting for
Out of the ruins of hate and war
Army of lovers never seen before
We are the people we've been waiting for
We are the people of the open hand
The streets of Dublin to Notre-Dame
We'll build it better than we did before
We are the people we've been waiting for
What if we, sitting here in this Meetinghouse today, became known as the “people of the open hand”? What if we became known as a people who fostered a genuine interest in others? People who are conversationally curious, and empathetic towards the experiences of others?
Some of my favorite people in the world have modeled this for me and others. And some of those people are sitting here in this room today.
Now, I do wonder why empathy and curiosity sometimes seem like hard things to put into practice – and maybe especially when we’re talking about people who are different than us. Maybe they look different than us. Maybe they’ve made different types of choices, and they live a different type of lifestyle. Maybe its people whose poor choices are simply more public than ours.
Why is this hard? Allow me to venture a guess.
The loudest story that gets told – in the news, on social media, and by policy makers of all stripes -is that life is either one extreme or the other. If I’m not completely committed to everything the Republican party stands for, then I am a radical-left Liberal. And if I don’t judge you for your behavior, then, by default, I’m accepting of and in agreement with every choice you’ve made. But I believe this is a lie. I don’t think life is lived in either one extreme, or its polar opposite. I believe true life is lived in the gray, in the nuance. Personally, it’s not my place to judge anyone else’s choices. But the opposite of a cold, distant, and impersonal judgment need not be an equally cold, distant, and impersonal blanket acceptance. What if the opposite of judgment is a conversational curiosity? A “genuine interest in the world of others”, as Christine Peterson wrote?
I’d rather be part of the people of the open hand. We’ll always have the option of saying (closes fist) “I have no need to hear your story, or learn from you.” But maybe instead, we can start learning to say (opens hand) “Tell me more.”
Now as we center down, let’s take some time to ponder these queries:
Do I practice active listening, in order to gain wisdom?
How can I be more open – open to ideas, to possibilities, and to the stories of those around me?
What are some everyday ways that I can practice a conversational curiosity with the people that I come in contact with?