Competing for Joy
Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting
Pastor Bob Henry
August 18, 2024
Good morning, Friends, and welcome to Light Reflections. Today, we continue our focus on joy, but how competition often gets in the way. Our scriptures for this morning are from Philippians 2:3-4 from the New Revised Standard Version.
Do nothing from selfish ambition or empty conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests but to the interests of others.
I must admit, on Monday night when I turned on the T.V. I was a bit disappointed that there was no Olympics to watch. One of the news channels on Monday morning was showing some nostalgic moments in Olympic history, because I think people were waking up to an Olympic hangover. As I was watching the moments from past Olympics, I had my own nostalgic moment come to mind.
What I remembered was hearing the voice of Jim McKay, every Saturday after watching the morning cartoons, introduce ABC’s The Wide World of Sports. Anyone remember this? Sorry Millennials, this was before your time, but you can Google it!
Until I looked it up this week, I didn’t realize that those words Jim McKay said did not change for 32 years. I can’t even image an intro not changing for that long on T.V., today. We change at least every season, now. Those words were being said for a decade before I was even born and then used my entire childhood. Some of you probably remember them.
Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sports:
The thrill of victory
And the agony of defeat.
The human drama of athletic competition.
This is ABC’s Wide World of Sports.
And when hearing those words, what image runs through one’s mind but Yugoslavian skier, Victor Bogotaj devastatingly crashing on the ski jump as Jim McKay says, “and the agony of defeat.”
Did you know that Victor took that fall in 1970 in the World Ski Flying competition and in 1978 when I was watching cartoons, he was still falling every Saturday for almost a decade. Later they would rename it “the agony of repeat!”
Today, that intro might include clips of the Australian Break-dancer or the French Pole Vaulter who both went viral for “failing.”
Some historians say the Wild World of Sports alone was one of the things that heightened and changed the competitive sports culture in our world. Those four lines said by Jim McKay were like a prophetic verse spoken into the soul of America and became a mantra for our daily living. Today, the drama of athletic competition has grown to an insane level.
We all remember Tanya Harding or Lance Armstrong, who allowed the competition to take them to an ugly place to win at all costs. But sadly, this competition has become all-encompassing and even what influences or guides our daily actions. In Indiana competitive sports dictate everything from when children attend school, so they are optimal size in high school for sports. To the schedules of our school day and bus systems to make sure sports teams have plenty of time for practice. The biggest paychecks in Indiana go to college football and basketball coaches instead of teachers.
A couple weeks ago, Janis Crawford reposted something on Facebook that caught my attention. It was a post from the College Basketball Report that showed out of the 35 largest high school gymnasiums in our country – 27 of them were in Indiana. Most of us in this room live within miles of several of them.
In my own town, currently, we are building two major sporting entertainment complexes and bringing more competitive sports to our area. As well, we are seeing competitive gambling on a rise, private sports leagues for children to be groomed into top athletes at a price, and I could go on…
But that competition that sports has brought into our culture, has begun to be translated into other areas. Now, children and adults are competing for likes on Facebook, TikTok, and other social media platforms. We are competing over best experiences, best restaurants, best dance routines, best politics, best crowd participation, best baking, you name it, if we can do it, we can now make it a competition.
I might go as far as to say, competition (of all types) has become our new religion, and it has a lot of followers.
And sadly, it is when competition gets to this level of obsession that we see it begin to steal our joy. Competition can have us not only becoming myopic, but also willing to do whatever it takes to win. And when this happens, we become more selfish and less caring for those around us. We also start to utilize “us vs them” categorization in describing just about anything, but especially our faith and beliefs.
At its extreme, it is what keeps us at war globally, as well as personally, and ultimately leaves us and our neighbors hurting or dying. It is a lead cause is why cheating and lying rates are rising in schools, colleges, and relationships. And it continues to create a constant urgency in our lives that we will not be able to keep up with. It is us vs. them, my beliefs vs yours, my politics vs yours…our country vs. yours…I think you get what I am saying.
As I was doing research this week, I came across someone who said,
Ask any normal person to sketch their dream getaway from normal, everyday life, and they will paint an ideal life that is stress-free and non-competitive.
I can relate to this, since I was just on a sabbatical where I got away from normal, everyday life – and no it was not stress-free (especially since we had an accident), but it was intentionally non-competitive which almost seemed more freeing than anything else. It is amazing how competitive we are and do not even realize its impact on us – yes, even in the church.
Most psychiatrists believe that humans are innately competitive, but that competitiveness at times can be utilized for good or bad.
Whether in school, at work, or in life, we have always been told that to win is to stand at the very top – to be the right, and the best. Please understand, I believe competition is inevitable. But does competing to only be the best or right ultimately bring us real joy?
Dr. Reza Abraham in an article titled, “Competition and Happiness” wrote the following, which I believe helps define and clarify how competition affects us;
A lot of time, how a person takes competition depends on the biological and social changes they have experienced growing up. It is this very desire to stand out from the crowd that propels us to go above and beyond what we are capable of. However, one has to keep their intention for competition in check. It is easy to feel unfulfilled and lacking when competition is heading in the wrong direction…
…You know the competition is heading towards a toxic path when you demand perfection, with no tolerance for anything that seconds it. You start feeling down, and you might even blame yourself for not being able to achieve what you wanted to. Instead of acknowledging the fact that you have grown a little stronger, or gotten a little faster than YOU in the past, your focus is solely on how much better your competitor is performing.
The unhealthy competition also results in lowered self-esteem. Competition can be helpful in character-building, especially when one is able to perform well despite being put under pressure. However, when expectations and standards are not met, and there is no recognition received, it could lead to a sense of anxiety and insecurity about oneself. That is when one could either give up on pursuing what they had wanted for themselves or develop a false sense of what "perfection" should be.
On the other hand, good competition will push the parties involved to evolve and get better. A competitive environment is perfect for developing one’s skill set because it pushes them to constantly perform their best, which is commonly known as the Growth Mindset. Someone who is a sporting competitor is someone who wishes to succeed but will also celebrate the victory of his opponent.
Let me stop on that last line. Is that what we are teaching our children and ourselves for that matter? Is that what we have seen in our politics? Is that how it is in your business place, family, even religious community? A balance of wishing to succeed but also celebrating with our opponent.
I loved that moment in the Olympics when Simone Biles and Jordan Chiles bowed down to Rebeca Andrade of Brazil. Even though Simone was expected to win the gold and Jordan was not even expected to even medal, it was a moment of both sportsmanship and competition at its best – and that moment went viral. Yet those moments are rare and a surprise when they happen.
Today, when our sports team loses a big event, we want to call in to work sick the next day. There are statistics that show that this is the case. When we don’t get enough likes on social media, we get depressed and think no one likes us. This is one of the leading causes of depression and anxiety in our youth.
I had a friend in Oregon stop by my office one afternoon to talk to me. He said he was embarrassed but needed some accountability. He explained, “I have become addicted to competing on Facebook for likes.” It kind of shocked me at first, but as I listened, he told me how bad it had become.
At a long stop light, he decided to post something on Facebook that had come to him while driving which he thought was profound. As he was driving to the next town, there were very few stops or lights. The winding road made it to so there could be no safe stops on the side of the road. He became so concerned about what people might say and how many would like his post that he ended up pulling off the road to check his Facebook. He said, “I put my life in danger to see if I had received a “like,” what is wrong with me. I need help.”
Now, imagine that what my friend experienced was everyday life. Because, that is how it is for most youth on social media, today. It is an unhealthy competition that has created the lowest self-esteem and the highest rates of anxiety and insecurity. And it is not just out children, we have adults obsessed with getting “likes” as well.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there is such a thing as healthy competition. Dr. Abraham says,
Healthy competition encourages collaboration and cooperation. In an age where the use of social media is growing exponentially, human beings spend a considerable amount of time on their own instead of with others. Competition provides feedback that we can evaluate in terms of behavioral, psychological, social, and economic outcomes, and can provide a rich learning environment for people to express and develop physical skills and personal attributes.
This may be one of the reasons why pickleball has become so popular among those in their later life. Not only do they benefit from the exercise, but also from the relationships they build. When it is not all about winning, the friendly competition can develop important life-giving aspects. A friend of mine who plays pickleball told me recently, “It has opened me up to seeing people differently and playing a sport not just to win.”
Thinking about all of this, and trying to put it into perspective, I turn to James Bradley a Quaker youth and high school freshmen who reflected on his competitive nature in Friends Journal. I believe he says it so well,
A lot of Quakers would argue that the necessity of having a winner, and thus a loser, is in direct conflict with the testimony of equality. They may think that having a winner means that the loser is not equal and that having no winner at all would solve this problem. I believe that this is simply not what the testimony of equality means in a competition. I believe that as a Quaker it is my responsibility to represent my beliefs in my actions during games or debates, not in the results alone. As an athlete I feel obligated to treat my opponents with respect and to carry myself with integrity before, during, and after games. I cannot control the inevitability of a winner, but I can control my own actions and choices; those are my responsibilities not only as an athlete, but as a member of the Religious Society of Friends.
James nails it on the head. As Quakers it is OUR responsibility to be aware of how competition affects us and how it can consume our lives and steal our joy. We can still compete and enjoy competitions, but there is a limit that we must know.
Even Jesus said, the first shall be last, and the last shall be first. And in some respects, that a pretty clear statement – if you are at the front, don’t assume you always will be, and if you are at the bottom, don’t assume you always will be.
We need to be aware when we have become obsessed by competition or pushing that unhealthy competition on our children or friends. It must become about more than the results, about treating our opponents with respect while working to carry ourselves with integrity throughout.
It is as Brian McLaren says,
“Not us vs. them, not us apart from them, not us over them, but us and them called by the Spirit of justice, joy, and peace into a bigger, better, kinder, more robust us.”
Folks, competition is a huge subject, and I have just skimmed the surface, but this is where we need to take some time and consider where our personal desires for competition is getting in the way of our joy. Let’s do that this week, by considering some important queries:
1. In what ways do I allow unhealthy competition to steal my joy? What actions or choices could I make to change this?
2. Who do I know who is struggling with competition that I may need to reach out to?
3. How am I being influenced by the competitive culture in my world?