10-30-22 - Thomas Maule - Advocate for Witches

Thomas Maule - Advocate for Witches

Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting

Pastor Bob Henry

October 30, 2022

Proverbs 31:8-9 (NRSV)

8 Speak out for those who cannot speak,
    for the rights of all the destitute.
9 Speak out; judge righteously;
    defend the rights of the poor and needy.

A couple weeks ago, Sue and I were watching Hocus Pocus 2.  As we watched the opening scene about the Sanderson sisters as children in Salem, Massachusetts during the Salem Witch Trials, it began to pique my interest once again in the real history of the trials and the Quaker’s response of that time. I grabbed my phone and opened-up the Google search only to find a rather interesting history.

I was reminded that several years ago during an interview with Phil Gulley, we talked about how many people grew up wrongly connecting Quakers with the Salem Witch Trials. Often, Quakers get lumped in with the Puritans, especially in our history textbooks where we want to cover things rather quickly. But lumping us with the Puritans is far from the truth. Quakers were nothing like the Puritans and were considered outcasts by most of them.

As Phil told me in that interview, our history shows us a much different picture. We weren’t the ones trying to burn women and young girls at the stake, often we were the ones taking the heat for standing up for and defending the real and so-called witches of the time.

I found it ironic, that this year at the Indy Festival of Faiths our booth was next to only one other booth – the Indiana Pagan Community Outreach and Dialogue – including witches, psychics, and other local Earth Based and Non-Abrahamic Spiritual groups. Ed Morris said when I arrived at the festival, “They must have known to put the Quakers next to the Witches because not every religious group would be as welcoming as us.”  And there is some major historical truth in Ed’s words.

Thus, today’s sermon is going to be more of a history lesson. I sense now more than ever we need to spend time re-engaging our past (at all levels of society) so we can learn from it and not continue to make the same often horrific mistakes.

How many of you have heard the name Thomas Maule?  

Thomas Maule was born on May 3, 1645 and died on July 2, 1724. He happened to be a prominent Quaker in colonial Salem, Massachusetts.

Actually, the New England Historical Society says that Thomas Maule was an outspoken Quaker, who went to prison five times for criticizing Puritans in Salem, Massachusetts. The Puritans also whipped him three times and fined him three times.

Why was he imprisoned, whipped, and fined so many times?

Well, Thomas Maule believed in witches as a religious group, and he also believed God would punish the Salem Witch Trial prosecutors for miscarrying justice.

Before we get into what should have put him more prominently in our history books, let me give you a bit of Thomas Maule’s backstory.

Thomas Maule was born May 3, 1645 in Warwickshire, England. His family opposed Oliver Cromwell and his Puritan followers. Maule immigrated to Barbados at about the age of 13. Some speculate he went to Barbados to find his father, who Cromwell may have imprisoned there. 

The “Quakers in The World” web portal points out that in the seventeenth century, Barbados was the main port for trade and travel between Britain and her growing number of American colonies along the eastern seaboard. At this time, many people were exploiting the potential of burgeoning transatlantic trade.  Many others were emigrating from Britain to the ‘New World’: some saw economic opportunities, and some saw the prospect of putting their political ideas and religious beliefs into practice.

Quakers were caught up in all these developments. Soon there were Quaker settlers in Barbados and Jamaica. Many Quaker merchants were involved in transatlantic trade. Other Quakers reached the Caribbean as convicts and had to work on the plantations: at the time many Quakers were being imprisoned for their beliefs, and it was common practice to ‘transport’ prisoners to various colonies to provide cheap labor, rather than keeping them in British jails.

Quakerism also came to the Caribbean through mission activity. Early Quaker missionaries all passed through Barbados – Elizabeth Hooton and Joan Brocksop in 1661, Ann Robinson and Oswell Heritage in 1662, George Fox, William Edmundson, Elizabeth Hooton in 1671, and many others. Quaker George Rofe described Barbados then as ‘the nursery of the (Quaker) truth’.

Thomas Maule left this hotbed of Quakerism in Barbados and moved to Boston in 1668, and he settled permanently in Salem in about 1679.

At some point he converted to Quakerism, most-likely in Barbados. There he also took up the occupation of tailor. He would continue his tailoring business in Massachusetts. Smart and successful, he expanded into merchandising, real estate, and construction — despite the Puritan discrimination against Quakers at the time.

In Salem, Thomas Maule supplied the lumber and the land for the first known Quaker Meeting House in the United States, built in 1688. (It is now part of the Peabody Essex Museum)

Eventually the Puritans repealed the harshest laws against the Quakers, but tensions continued. The Puritans viewed the Quakers as dangerous intruders. The Quakers did not forget the way the Puritans had whipped, branded, mutilated, and hanged them.

Like many Quakers of the era, Thomas Maule spoke out against the Puritans for their cruelty and intolerance. He received 10 stripes of the whip for saying Salem’s John Higginson, “preached lies and was instructing in the doctrine of devils.”

The truth was that Thomas and his wife Naomi believed in witches. When the Salem witch trials began, they testified against Bridget Bishop, the first victim to be hanged.

But Maule grew disillusioned with the prosecutors’ murderous frenzy. Twenty people were executed within four months, and 100 more awaited trial when Gov. William Phips returned to his senses and halted the trials.

In 1695, several years after the release of the last accused witch, Thomas Maule published a pamphlet. He called it Truth Held Forth and Maintained. In cool and cutting sarcasm, he wrote that God would condemn the witch trial judges. He famously stated,

“[F]or it were better that one hundred Witches should live,

than that one person be put to death for a Witch, which is not a Witch.”

The Puritans were sensitive on the point that they had gone too far in the Salem witch trial prosecutions. So, on December 12, 1695, officials arrested Maule on charges of slanderous publication and blasphemy.

He was taken to Boston and brought before the governor and council. He refused to answer any questions and insisted on a trial in his own county by a jury of his peers. Then, after a year in jail, a court finally tried him in Salem.

The judges ordered the jury to convict Thomas Maule. But Maule argued they had no standing to rule on religious matters. He pointed out the King’s law bound the jury, and he had not broken it.  And he said the pamphlet wasn’t enough evidence to convict him, since the printer, not he, put it there.

The jury, probably influenced by the backlash against the witch trials, ruled the court had no right to suppress his expression of religious belief.

The decision marked the first time a jury disregarded instruction to convict. it also reflected the growing impatience with the Puritan theocracy.

Emerson W. Baker discussed the trial in his book A Storm of Witchcraft writing:

“Regardless of the reasons for their verdict, the jury’s acquittal of Thomas Maule was a turning point in the history of not only the Salem Witch Trials, but also American jurisprudence. Before 1692, a Massachusetts jury would have undoubtedly convicted a troublemaking Quaker, a habitual offender who impudently challenged authority…Maule’s not guilty verdict, announced in the same courtroom and before some of the same magistrates who had sat in judgement of the victims of witchcrafts, signals a dramatic change. The case was a landmark for freedom of speech, freedom of press, and freedom of religion.”

Not only did Thomas Maule’s acquittal pave the way for the First Amendment in our country, but it also set a precedent for freedom of the press in America. Lawyers cited it as precedent for the John Peter Zenger trial, which established the right to print controversial opinions.

According to the Cultural Center for the Maule’s Estate:

Knowledge of the acquittal in Maule’s trial went immediately to the three printing houses in Boston, and by mail to New York and Philadelphia. Local Boston printers stopped seeking approval for many items, and authors stopped sending controversial works out of the colony for printing. The volume of pamphlet publishing increased significantly. To printers, the Maule case meant the right to print controversial pamphlets without being subjected to penalties.

Thomas Maule continued to write. He married twice, reared 11 children, and put his energy into his store and his Quaker Meeting. He died July 2, 1724, at the age of 79.

I admire Thomas Maule for living his life to defend the rights of marginalized people who could not speak for themselves. What he did was both advocate for religious freedom, as well as the rights of women in colonial Salem.

He, like many Quakers of his day, was a “change agent” - a person with the skill and desire to transform a community or ultimately a society. Thomas Maule knew something was inherently wrong in the Salem Witch Trials and believed strongly in standing up for the rights of witches and those wrongly accused of being witches.

It is clear that Maule held a fundamental belief in the value of each person and that there was that of God in each person. Acting on his beliefs led Thomas Maule to become what Friends would call a “witness in society.” In other words, Thomas Maule became a change agent to improve the daily reality of those who were witches or wrongly accused of being witches in his community.

His imprisonment and persecution for his beliefs led to much action and witness in society. Maule’s actions would put his advocacy of the witches in a long line of Quaker witnesses who would call for improved conditions in prisons, mental health hospitals to stop the practice of jailing mentally ill people, the end of the enslavement of black people in America, and the rights for women to vote in this country. 

As well, Thomas Maule spoke directly against the government or theocracy of his day. Some consider our country under a theocracy of sorts as fundamental Christianity has been swept up as a major part of the political dialogue, as well as making decisions and policies in this country.

Today, Quakers still must stand, like Thomas Maule, and advocate for people of other faith communities who are being abused or neglected by the systems in place.

And I am not just talking about being tolerant of people who believe different than us Quakers – I mean being willing to defend them and stand with them when they are being treated wrongly.

This week on the news I was saddened to see antisemitism on the rise again in this country.  The Anti-Defamation League shows that anti-semetic incidents have increased by 34% since 2021 and the numbers are rising as we get closer to elections.  

As well, the United Nations recently said there is an overall increase in Islamophobia specifically in the United States and Europe. Over 30% of people still hold Muslims in a “negative light.” 

2019 saw the greatest increase in violence against religious communities in almost a decade in our country and the numbers continue to rise.

I think we too quickly forget that religious freedom, one of our core First Amendment principles, supports the freedom of an individual or community, in public or private, to manifest religion or belief in teaching, practice, worship, and observance.

Sadly, too many religious folks (who many call themselves Christian), think much like the Puritans in colonial Salem that religious freedom is to be perceived as something that is only meant to protect some citizens at the expense of others.

By speaking up like Thomas Maule, we can demonstrate that such rhetoric does not hurt only a subsection of the population, but ALL of us. 

And please understand, it does not have to mean we must do this only in the court of law. No, this means you and I standing up for our siblings of other faiths in conversations within our families, at work, in classrooms, in our neighborhoods and communities, and especially through our vote.

So, as we enter waiting worship this morning, I want us to ponder the following queries:

·      Am I aware of someone of another faith community that is being mistreated, neglected, or simply not heard?

·      How might I advocate for them?

·      What rhetoric might I need to change or stop using altogether, so that ALL people will benefit?

10-23-22 - Learning to Mind the Light in Anxious Times

Learning to Mind the Light in Anxious Times

Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting

Pastor Bob Henry

October 23, 2022

Good morning, Friends and welcome to Light Reflections.  This morning our scripture reading is from John 3:19-21 from the New Revised Standard Version.

And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and people loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil.  For all who do evil hate the light and do not come to the light, so that their deeds may not be exposed.  But those who do what is true come to the light, so that it may be clearly seen that their deeds have been done in God.”

Have you ever noticed how Quakers are always talking about “the light.”  We use the phrase to say things like,

“I am holding you in the light.” 

“We need to mind the light.”

“I am seeking my inner light” or “the light within.”

It also has been associated in Quaker circles with the historical Christ and as well the metaphorical understanding of Christ. We have a variety of names for Christ that speak of light:

Light of the World.

Father of Lights.

Light of Lights.

Light of God.

The Eternal Light

And the list could go on.

But you may not know that for us, Quakers, our use of “the light” metaphor goes all the way back to our founder, George Fox.  Here is a modern English translation of George Fox’s words:

“So long as you live in the light nothing can trip you up, because you will see everything in the light.  Do you love the light? Then here’s your teacher!  When you are out walking it’s there with you, in your heart – you don’t have to say, ‘Look over here’, ‘Look over there’. And as you lie in bed it’s there with you too, teaching you, making you aware of that wandering mind of yours that likes to wander off, and of your attempts to master everything with your own thought and imagination – they themselves are mastered by the light. For if you follow your own thoughts, you will soon get lost. But if you live in the light it will reveal to you the root of your wrongdoing, and the distortions of your life, and the degraded condition in which you live, and your endless thinking about everything.”

That sounds very similar to our scripture reading we heard for this morning.  The light is our inner teacher and is shedding light on the darkness of our lives – bringing awareness, capturing our wandering mind, and helping us find direction.

The problem for many people is that we have a hard time connecting to that inner light daily – especially in our over-busy lives. Quaker Rex Ambler in his studies started to wonder about similar things but how they related to early Quakers. His journey took him back to an in-depth study of the early Quakers to see how they found joy, peace of mind, and courage to share it with others, amidst the difficulties and anxieties of their day.   

Rex knew that Quakers didn’t have specific spiritual practices of this nature and honestly, spiritual “how to” manuals weren’t that big in the 17th century. But as he looked through the Early writings of Friends, he was surprised to find a clear pattern emerge. Rex shares his findings in a book I think is well worth your reading, Light to Live By: An Exploration in Quaker Spirituality.

On his website “Experiment with Light,” Rex identified 4 stages of this spiritual practice which early Friends used and described. Lately, I have been spending some time studying mindfulness and its benefits during stressful and anxious moments. Religious Education specialist, John Baxter, gives the following definition of mindfulness as it relates to both Quaker and Buddhist practice. He says mindfulness…

…is the development of both a skill and a perspective, the skill first to focus on the breath and the body as a way of disengaging from a relentless chain of thoughts and emotions that course through us, and become a detached yet amicable observer of them, increasingly skilled in letting them go and returning to a basic and fundamental awareness of body, breath, and mental and emotional life.

It amazes me that what Rex discovers and ultimately identifies as early Quaker practice is right in line with what people are teaching today under the heading – mindfulness.  Just listen to the four stages Rex identifies from our early Friends:

1. Mind the Light. This means stopping to consider what the Light within you shows you about what is happening in your life. Is anything causing you unease? Is there anything you need to attend to?

1. Open your heart to the Truth. Be honest and open with yourself and the Divine. Let the Truth emerge of its own accord. Don’t try to evade or excuse anything that you are shown, but also don’t let yourself become confused or guilty.

1. Wait in the Light. Instead of worrying over what the Light shows you, or trying to come up with solutions, be calm and patient. The Light itself, as it shows you the Truth, is a sign of something of the Divine within you. Its power can show you what you need to understand (or to do!) in order to achieve peace of mind—providing you don’t lose yourself in troubled emotions. “Be cool” said Fox in his longest account of this process.

1. Submit to the Truth. George Fox wrote in a letter,

“When you have seen what’s going on in your mind, and the temptations there, do not think but submit... You will then receive power. So, stand still in the Light, submit to it, and all the rest will quieten down or disappear.”

At times, the Light impels you to a necessary course of action, and then submitting means obeying it.

So, to help modern Quakers understand and find a practical use for what the early Quakers knew and taught, Rex created what he called an “Experiment with Light.” Some of you may remember pre-pandemic learning about this “Experiment with Light” from Dan and Jamie Mudd at a Saturday workshop they offered for us in our parlor.  

In creating this, Rex realized these steps were very similar to psychologist Eugene Gendlin’s therapeutic process of “Focusing.” Gendlin describes “Focusing” this way,

There are three key qualities or aspects which set Focusing apart from any other method of inner awareness and personal growth. The first is something called the “felt sense.” The second is a special quality of engaged, accepting inner attention. And the third is a radical philosophy of what facilitates change.

Again, another process and resource that is often included in what we would label under the broader definition of mindfulness, today. Making these connections allowed Rex to find a way to re-introduce the early Quaker spiritual practice to us which I believe is relevant in our day and age.   

This morning I would like to utilize Rex’s “Experiment with Light” based on Early Quaker understandings to help lead us into waiting worship.  

Taking time to remind ourselves of these Early Quaker practices seem quite appropriate as things begin to ramp up with politics in our country leading to election day, with the threat of nuclear war back on the table, as the climate crisis continues to be more and more evident in our world, as inflation and the cost of living continue to go up, and as tensions rise within school boards, around family tables, and in our work situations. We, like our ancestors before us, must be honest that our minds and lives are once again full, seeking answers, and needing some semblance of HOPE.

Many are seeking alternative ways than just turning off mass media or getting off the internet to center down and mind the light in their personal lives – and as Rex came to see, Quakers have offered opportunities to do this since their very beginnings.  

Folks, this is one of the reasons I was originally drawn to Quakerism. I first experienced these practices on Cannon Beach in Oregon each morning before entering my doctoral classes. I quickly found these early Quaker practices useful in helping me to center or refocus, calm my anxiety and inner-questioning, and ultimately discover positive solutions and hopeful possibilities for my condition and even the condition of my neighbors and world.   

Now, don’t worry, to participate in this “Experiment with Light” you will be able to stay right where you are seated. I will be reading a prompt and then giving some time after each prompt to allow you to experiment with the light.

In this time, please hold the silence – these practices will lead us into our time of waiting worship.

So, let us begin our “Experiment with Light” this morning:    

1        Start by Relaxing your body and mind. Make yourself comfortable.

Feel the weight of your body on the pew or chair.

Let all the tension go, in each part of your body (start with your head and work all the way down to your toes).

Let your immediate worries go, your current preoccupations.

Be relaxed, but alert.

Control your breathing.

Let yourself become wholly receptive.

2        In this receptive state of mind, let the real concerns of your life emerge.

Ask yourself, 'What is really going on in my life?', but do not try to answer the question. Let the answer come.

You can be specific: 'What is happening in my relationships, my work, my country, my Meeting, in my own heart and mind?' And more specifically still: 'Is there anything here that makes me feel uncomfortable, uneasy?'

As we gradually become aware of these things, we are beginning to experience the light.

3        Now, focus on one issue that presents itself, one thing that gives you a sense of unease.

Try to get a sense of this thing - as a whole. Deep down you know what it is all about, but you don't normally allow yourself to take it all in and absorb the reality of it. Now is the time to do so.

You don't have to get involved in it again or get entangled with the feelings around it. Keep a little distance, so that you can see it clearly. Let the light show you what is really going on here.

‘What is it about this thing’, you can ask, ‘that makes me feel uncomfortable?’

Let the answer come. And when it does, let a word or image also come that says what it's really like, this thing that concerns me.

4        Now ask yourself what makes it like that. Don’t try to explain it. Just wait in the light till you can see what it is. Let the full truth reveal itself, or as much truth as you are able to take at this moment. The answer will come.

5        When the answer comes, welcome it. It may be painful or difficult to believe with your normal conscious mind, but if it is the truth, you will recognize it immediately. You will realize that it is something that you need to know. Trust the light. Say yes to it. It will show you new possibilities. It will show you the way through. So, however the news seems to be at first, accept it and let its truth pervade your whole being.

6        As soon as you accept what is being revealed to you, you will begin to feel different. Accepting truth about yourself is like making peace. Something is being resolved.

If none of this seems to have happened, do not worry. It may take longer. Notice how far you have got this time and pick it up on another occasion. In any case this is a process we do well to go through again and again, so that we can continue to grow and become more like the people we are meant to be.

When you feel ready, open your eyes, stretch your limbs, and bring the meditation to an end.

At this time, we will begin our waiting worship. Take some time in the continued silence to reflect upon your “Experiment with Light” this morning.

10-16-22 - A Spirituality of Imperfection

A Spirituality of Imperfection

Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting

Beth Henricks

October 16, 2022 

Luke 18:9-14 (NRSV) 

9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and regarded others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, was praying thus, ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people: thieves, rogues, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of all my income.’ 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven but was beating his breast and saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went down to his home justified rather than the other, for all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted.”

Friends, I am thinking that many of you have heard this parable that Jesus shared with his disciples, religious Jewish leaders and interested folks in his ministry. On its surface it seems like a very straightforward and direct message. Jesus criticizes the Pharisee for his prayer and his self-righteous attitude that his good acts make him superior to others. The Pharisee’s prayer talks more about his righteous deeds rather than a need for grace and mercy from God. The tax collector is the sinner that recognizes his need for God’s mercy and prays a very different prayer in the Temple. The tax collector asks for grace and goes home from the temple forgiven while the Pharisee and religious man does not receive this from God. I read this message for many years in its simple explanation. I was called to think about how bad the Pharisee is and how good the tax collector is because he asks for God’s forgiveness. And there is much to consider in this parable. We often want to think we are good people because we don’t steal or cheat, lie, and we create our self-image on many of these narratives that tell us we do the right thing, so we are “good people”. It is so troubling in our current culture that we are dividing everyone into tribes, camps, sides and we seem to stick with our tribe and look with disdain at the “other”.

This was certainly true back in Jesus' time. We hear Jesus often speak about the Pharisees. They are portrayed as legalistic, “holier than thou” and superior to the common Jewish folks that looked to these men as scholars of the Jewish and religious laws and practices. It’s important to consider the context of Jesus' time and what was going on with the occupation of their territory by the Roman Empire. We remember that the Pharisees worked to arrest Jesus and turn him over to the government authorities. We might think that the Pharisees were part of the Empire. And certainly, the Pharisees had to be in communication with the Roman Empire and in some type of cooperation, but many of them stood with their Jewish people and tried to hold their culture and faith together during this oppressive Roman regime. They tried to hold onto the Jewish law, the Torah as Rome was trying to tear it apart.

The tax collector on the other hand, is portrayed as a sinner but a bit of a sympathetic character in several of Jesus' parables. However, when we look more closely at a tax collector at that time, these were no straightforward IRS agents. The tax collector was often Jewish and a traitor to the Jewish people as he was in full collaboration and employment of the Roman Empire. The authorities recruited these Jewish men to collect the taxes among their people to keep the Empire functioning. These men embodied the financial goals of the Romans and went to their kinfolk and demanded money. They were well paid by the Empire and were despised by the Jewish people which seems legitimate. It’s always the greed of humans that seems to allow folks to set aside principles, integrity, and their identification with their people to make money. 

At face value in this parable, it seems like there are good and bad people here. The Pharisee represents the legalistic, law driven and heartless person while the tax collector is the sinner, the one that recognizes the need for God’s love and grace. And there is truth to this. As religious folk we often think we have the right beliefs, the right path and the right structure and history to be the keeper of the tradition. And the tax collector represents so many folks that live in a place that diminishes others, supports the establishment, and takes money in an unjust way. The tax collectors’ sins are on full display to the people while the Pharisee’s sins seem to occur within his heart and mind. The tax collector recognizes that God gives grace, mercy, and love to all and that our actions do not determine the expansive love of God. The Pharisee struggles to embrace this message of Jesus that will turn their faith and tradition completely upside down. His heart just cannot soften to the idea that God loves everyone no matter what and that we cannot ever earn the love of God. To think it’s freely given goes against all the learning these leaders have trained in and studied and embraced. The tax collector seeks God’s forgiveness for his sins.

There are important lessons in this parable. Religious people need to have humility and embrace God’s love for all humans as God does not divide us into the worthy and unworthy. Unfortunately, we humans seem to want to do this, as we are such an achievement and performance-based society.

As I reflect on the message of this parable, my heart has been stirred this week and I look in the mirror and I see that I often put people in one camp or another. When I look down on the other (and that other is defined by each of us differently based on our background, our life experiences, and our traditions) then I am acting as the Pharisee. If I think I am better or more evolved than the legalistic, tradition bound, holding onto history, and doctrinal faith person, then I am the Pharisee. I am the Pharisee, and I am the tax collector. I can’t think that I am beyond the Pharisee view when I demonize those that believe differently than I do. As columnist and “theologian Dave Barry says: “There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.”

If I say dear God, I am thankful that I am not like this Pharisee, I am thankful I’m not like this person or believe this, then I become the Pharisee. I want to be the grace filled tax collector because I think Pharisees are legalistic and hypocrites – but then that is when I become the Pharisee. 

I cannot ever say as the Pharisee says at the start of this passage that I am thankful that I am not like his list of adulterers, thieves, rogues, or a tax collector. We are all full of humanity, full of imperfections, full of disappointments, bad decisions, and their consequences., adulterers, thieves and rogues. And I think what Jesus is saying is that none of that matters. God extends love to us all within all our humanity, all of our pain and bad decisions and bad intention, embrace of acquisitions, status, success. We can turn to God at any moment and say, I need you, I need God’s grace. I need a resurrection that brings me into the fullness of God’s love. 

It seems like we need to ask the question: which of these two people in this parable of Jesus am I? Maybe all of us need to understand that we are both Pharisee and Tax Collector and reflect on when we see ourselves in each of these characters? When I think I have the answers, when I think I am right, when I think I have the reputation, the wisdom, and the right way, I am a Pharisee. When I participate in structures of oppression and the desire for money at all costs, then I am the tax collector. All are in need of God’s grace and love. 

Jesus is a non-dual thinker, and he is turning the entire Jewish system upside down. The entire Old Testament is about the law and obeying this law to come into closer relationship with God. This is how the Jewish people believed they would experience God’s favor and our Jesus comes out of this tradition. Jesus is a scholar in the Jewish law as evidenced when it is written that as a child, he was teaching the elders in the Temple at age 12. He knew the law as well as any Pharisee and yet he was preaching a message that turned all of that tradition upside down. That tells us that Jesus was a revolutionary in his faith tradition. And how many times do we reject a person that comes into our church that speaks a message that is uncomfortable and different and something that we want to reject or can’t accept as we hold on to the traditions that we have embraced for years?

Of course, wouldn’t we love to hear more of this story after the encounter in the Temple? As the tax collector prays to God for mercy and is forgiven does he stop being a tax collector? How do we square the understanding and acceptance of personal forgiveness if we don’t also change what we are doing?

Jesus’ teachings are not about a meritocracy which is often how our country determines success. Jesus’ teachings combine the good and the bad, the winners and the losers and rejects the merit system and embraces the idea of faith, love and of turning to God. God’s love is given to all no matter any situation. God identifies with the tax collector because he is an outsider and God is all about outsiders. God has been about outsiders since we first received the Biblical teaching. The Israelites were outsiders for centuries – it is only when they achieved success they turned away from God and relied on the law, and the tradition. But God also identifies with the Pharisee as these religious leaders embraced God and the Yahweh path when all other societies thought they were crazy to depend on one God. These religious leaders had to start out with a powerful message of faith and trust in God. It seems like as time went on that this powerful and life changing message became diluted into a systematic institution with many laws, restrictions and separations among cultures and people. 

Our Affirmation class has been looking at the early Quakers and how Quakerism started. The ‘movement’ that George Fox and Margaret Fell helped establish was passionate, infused with a spiritual fire, principled as they were willing to spend time in prison for their beliefs and shared a revolutionary message of equality for all and the love of God available to everyone. A movement is exciting, fresh, appealing and can catch fire with many. But nothing can ever just stay a movement as structure, tradition and hierarchy come into play in order to keep the movement alive. It has to become more institutionalized but then power, money, disagreements happen, and the outsiders become the insiders and our traditions become more important than the revolutionary ideas that Jesus shared. This happens in all Christian denominations , it happens in the Jewish tradition, it happens in all movements. I think this is why Jesus spends so much time in his teaching urging us to come back again and again to the ideas of God’s love for all and to stop thinking in terms of us and them. 

The message in the Bible is not a winner’s message but a loser’s script. Why do many Christians always want to go to the winners, the potential strong individuals? Richard Rohr says “didn’t most of us think that it’s all a meritocracy? I certainly did. Many religious people think it’s all a merit badge system – all achievement, accomplishment, performance, and perfection. The good people win, and the bad people lose. Of course, once we cast anything as a win-lose scenario, the irony is that everybody loses. Why can’t people see that competitive games are not the way to go?”

 Jesus always embraced the losers from a societal perspective – the women, tax collectors, the poor, the Sanitarians that weren’t quite as good as the religious Jews, those feeling lost and forgotten for whatever reason. And really don’t we all feel like losers during parts of our lives? If we can embrace the losers, the outsiders, those that are different from us, the broken, the forgotten and those feeling lost then we all become winners. That, my friends, is the beloved community that we all want to see come to fruition.

As we enter our time of unprogrammed worship I share a few queries to consider .

When am I a Pharisee and when am I a Tax Collector?

In searching my heart, where do I divide people and think one side is good and the other bad?

Do I embrace God’s love, mercy, and forgiveness for all?

Do I speak my truth in love and care to others even when they believe or behave differently?

10-9-22 - Allowing Humor to Build Empathy (Part 5)

Allowing Humor to Build Empathy

Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting

Pastor Bob Henry

October 9, 2022

Good morning, Friends, and welcome to Light Reflections. This week I am wrapping up my sermon series on Empathy. I hope you have a had a chance over these last several weeks to ponder your own empathy, the empathy of your friends and neighbors, and even explore the empathy within our Meeting.  We have looked at the subject from several different angles, but this morning for our final look we will be studying the relationship between humor and empathy. An aspect that I feel we are quick to forget or ignore. 

Our scriptures for today are Luke 9:53-54 and Mark 3:17 from the New Revised Standard Version.

…but they did not receive him because his face was set toward Jerusalem. When his disciples James and John saw this, they said, “Lord, do you want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them?”

…James, son of Zebedee and John the brother of James (to whom he gave the name Boanerges, that is, Sons of Thunder)…

I love our scriptures for today, because they give us a glimpse into the authentic humor of both Jesus and the disciples. Given the disciples’ wild suggestion to bring down fire or lightning, and thunder, from heaven, Jesus gave them a nickname.  

No matter how gently we think this was delivered, it was bound to be the subject of much humor in numerous retellings of the story. I could see Jesus and the disciples sitting around the campfire at night and Jesus starting, “Remember that time…how about you Sons of Thunder?” I think too often we take the Bible too serious and miss the little interactions that make it relatable.

Jesus often used humor in relating to his people, but because we did not live in his culture and time, we often miss his point, turning it into a much more serious interaction. Often Jesus uses humor to build some empathy among his disciples, other followers, and even his enemies.

Remember that time Jesus addresses the rich young man. He says,

 “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions, and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”

When the young man heard this, he went away sad, because he had great wealth.

Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Truly I tell you, it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again, I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” (Matthew 19:21-24)

Jesus takes a rather serious conversation and uses humor to make his point. I am sure the disciples who were trying to take it all in, simply broke out in laughter at the absurdity of Jesus’s illustration – yet they understood what he was saying about the difficulty he was trying to portray.

Several years ago, a movie about Jesus came out, where Jesus was portrayed by a dark haired and dark skinned middle eastern man (I know, surprising, right.) He was also short, hairy, and smiled a lot.

Obviously, many people did not like this actor’s portrayal of Jesus. It didn’t match their White European, emaciated, and effeminate Jesus looking downcast and with a halo hanging on their walls or in their churches (another great reason we do not have images of Jesus in our Meetinghouse).  

I was given an opportunity to watch a clip of the movie in one of my college master’s classes. We were asked to watch the scene where Jesus is sharing with the crowd the Beatitudes – commonly referred to as the Sermon on the Mount. 

Unlike most paintings that have Jesus teaching from the top of the mountain.  This movie has him starting at the bottom of the hillside with his disciples surrounding him, and then the camera pans up the hillside and shows the multitude of followers waiting for his teaching.

As Jesus begins, he walks through his disciples and directs the dialogue first to them. He approaches Matthew (the notorious Tax Collector) first and gently puts his hands on his shoulders. With a big smile on his face, Jesus locks eyes with Matthew and then delivers the first beatitude. He says, “Oh Matthew, Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” And then he winks and moves on through the disciples. Meanwhile the camera catches Matthew’s laughter changing to contemplation, and you see him following behind Jesus hanging on every word out of his mouth. 

I believe Jesus used humor often because humor is able to build empathy. 

Scott Aukerman, co-founder of "Between Two Ferns," (Has anyone ever watch “Between Two Ferns” with Zach Galifianakus?) well, he defaulted to comedy to disarm bullies early in life. He thinks humor is key to fostering empathy and genuine interactions. He points out 3 ways humor is a skill that builds empathy:

First, he says, humor disarms people.

The kind of humor which disarms can interrupt the power struggles, easing tensions and allowing you to reconnect and regain perspective.

It helps you be more spontaneous. Shared laughter helps you break free from rigid ways of thinking and behaving, allowing you to see the problem in a new way and find a creative solution.

And humor can disarm by helping you be less defensive. Through humor, we hear things differently and can tolerate learning things about ourselves that we otherwise might find unpleasant or even painful.

I know when things are rather tense or stressful, I need people who understand the importance of humor and its power to disarm me.  It only takes a text to Phil Gully or a lunch with him, to have me breaking out in laughter and seeing things from a new perspective. This past week was rather stressful for me for a variety of reasons, and each day Phil would check in with me and within moments have me disarmed from my stress and struggle and able to talk more openly about what all was going on. 

Second, Aukerman says when you let go of the outcome being in your favor, it releases tension. 

In other words, when you’re not holding tightly to your expectations or whether you’re going to come out on top, it changes what might have been a typical interaction. 

Humor opens us up, freeing us to express what we truly feel and allowing our deep, genuine emotions to rise to the surface.

This is true when I have a meal with our own Mark Kishego, he knows how to utilize humor to disarm you and allow you to feel safe in sharing your heart and emotions.  Or most of us remember Dan Rains – for him it was a simple pun and after a pause we were drawn in by the laughter and the conversation.

And three, Aukerman says by bringing laughter to meetings/social interactions/everywhere, you acknowledge a mutual desire not to be bored. 

When situations or people get too serious and lose the ability to find humor in what they do, it is easy to become bored or simply not interested.  Sometimes, when we are trying to be good Quakers or fighting the cause, we don’t take the time to laugh together and be joyful. 

One of the things I love about our men’s Threshing Together is that when we get together, we spend a lot of time laughing and that opens us up to building deeper relationships. I heard the same about the women’s retreat that just took place – laughter is so important to our engaging one another in a deeper way. 

When I was in campus ministries, I had a team of about 23 college students. Each year we would begin with a retreat off campus, and I would always lead them in an exercise called, “First Impressions.” 

I would hand out a piece of paper with all our names on it with a space behind each name. Then I would ask them to spend the next 30 minutes writing down one word for each person that describes their first impression of that person. 

Since I participated as well, and had interacted with each of the students in the hiring process, I would utilize a theme. One year I gave each of them a Pixar Animated Character that I felt represented my first impression of them. 

Part of the experience was to share the one word, and then explain why without the other person responding or asking questions. Over the next hour we shared our words and explanations. We did a lot of sharing and even more receiving.

The room always erupted in laughter because some people were way off, and at other times they were right on. By the end of our time there was a sense of true empathy for each other. We both learned something about ourselves, and learned also a lot about our perceptions of other people.   

That specific year we bonded in a special way. That group would meet at our home once a month to watch a Pixar movie and discuss our similarities to the characters.  Some students were hilariously exactly like their character, others seemed to grow into their characters in interesting ways throughout the year. 

Still today this group of students keeps in contact with me. They still reference their Pixar characters and the many laughs we had over this one activity and how it brought us to see each other in new ways. This is still one of the best examples of utilizing humor to build empathy I have ever experienced.  

On a side note, many of the students gave me the word “teddy bear.” So my Pixar character became Lotso – which brought many laughs as well for a multitude of reasons.

Folks, when we utilize humor in a proper manner, it can lift others up, make it safe to admit our faults, honor our differences, laugh at our human frailties, lift us above our embarrassments, and allow us to relate to those who hold different views. 

Thus, humor allows us to build empathy in a special way.

This past week, I finished reading one of the best Philosophy books I have ever read.  It is titled, “Nasty, Brutish, and Short: Adventures in Philosophy with My Kids” by Scott Hershovitz (professor of law and philosophy at the University of Michiagn.  He starts each chapter with an often-humorous story about his two boys, Hank and Rex. I found that these funny stories led to disarming me and helping me to prepare for the deeper work in the rest of the chapter.  I found myself empathizing with Scott and his wife in their parenting, as well as navigating the difficult questions of life. 

In the last chapter on God he begins with this story.

“Zack has God boots.”

“What?” I said, turning my attention to Rex. I was in the kitchen making dinner.  Rex (then four) was at the table, eating the last of his pre-dinner snacks. The snacks serve a dual purpose in our house: they make it possible for us to cook dinner and make sure that our kids won’t eat what we cook.

“Zack has God boots,” Rex repeated, as if it were a revelation.

“ZACH HAS GOD BOOTS?!” I said, as if it really was a revelation.

(Over-the-top enthusiasm is one of my go-to parenting moves. Good things happen when you get a kid excited about a conversation.)

“Yes! God has God boots,” Zach said with increasing excitement.

“Which Zack? Big Zach? Little Zach? Grown-up Zach? There were an absurd number of Zach’s in the Giraffe Room.

“Little Zach!” said Rex, triumphantly.

“No Way, Little Zach has God boots?!”

“Yeah!”

“Cool…but what are God boots?”
“You know,” Zach said, as if it was obvious. 

“No, I don’t, buddy. What are God boots?”

“They are boots with God on them.”

“God is on Zach’s boots!” I shouted, treating this as the shocking news it was. “Is God heavy? Can Zach walk in his boots? Is he stuck at school? SHOULD WE GO HELP HIM?

“Not God, Daddy! A Picture of God.”

“Oh wow.” I softened my voice. “What does God look life?”

“You know,” said Rex, in a conspiratorial tone.

“No, I don’t,” I whispered. “What does God look like?”

“The man in the cowboy hat.”

“Which man in the cowboy hat?”

“The one in the movie.”

Now we were getting somewhere. Rex had only seen three movies. The first was Curious George. “Do you mean the man with the yellow hat?”

“No,” he said with a giggle.

The second was Cars. “Do you mean Mater?”

“No! Mater doesn’t wear a cowboy hat,” he said, in a way that suggested he was the one talking to a small child.

That left Toy Story. “Woody?”

“Yes! GOD!”

Scott says, “I have no idea how Rex arrived at this view, but if you want to creep yourself out, imagine that Woody is God. Wherever you go, whatever you do, Woody’s painted eyes are watching you.

On that note, let’s take a moment to enter waiting worship this morning. As we do, I ask that you ponder the following queries:

·        How do I let humor disarm me?

·        Who in my life brings needed humor and allows me the freedom to be my authentic self?

·        How might I utilize humor with others to build empathy in my world?

10-2-22 - Jesus the Empath (Part 4)

Jesus the Empath (Part 4)

Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting

Pastor Bob Henry

October 2, 2022

Good morning, Friends and welcome to Light Reflections.  This week I am on part four of my series on Empathy.  The scripture text for this morning is Matthew 9:35-36 from The Message translation.  

Then Jesus made a circuit of all the towns and villages. He taught in their meeting places, reported kingdom news, and healed their diseased bodies, healed their bruised and hurt lives. When he looked out over the crowds, his heart broke. So confused and aimless they were, like sheep with no shepherd.

Back when we lived in Oregon, I had a conversation with a friend who introduced me to the term empath. At first, I was skeptical of its meaning, so I spent a lot of time listening to our friend and her experience. After talking to some others about the concept, I began to be able to identify certain people in my life as empathic or even as empaths.  As I continued my research, I began to identify characters in the Bible who also showed empathic tendencies. Above all there was Jesus, who, by definition, would be an empath on a very high but balanced level. 

So, what do I mean when I use the term empath. To get to the root of the concept, this past summer I began to read The Art of Empathy by Karla McLaren.  Karla was the first person to have claimed the title, empath, professionally in the late 70’s. She has spent her life learning to work with, understand, define, redefine, and study emotions, empathy, and empaths. So, who better to go to for a definition of the term. Her definition reads,

An empath is someone who is aware that he or she reads emotions, nuances, subtexts, undercurrents, intentions, thoughts, social space, interactions, relational behaviors, body language, and gestural language to a greater degree than is deemed normal.

But Karla makes sure to point out that we are all empathic at some level. We actually need to be empathic in order to navigate our way through the social world. We all read emotions, intentions, nuances, and so on, because empathy is central to our capacity to connect to, interact with, and understand others and our world.

The reality is that part of our nature (or being) is to be empathic. And I believe it is also part of that of God in each of us. I would say it is an aspect of the Imago Dei or image of God within us. And who better to show us what that looks like, than Jesus.   

As part of my second sermon in this series, I began to explore Jesus’ empathy.  I reminded us of Jesus’ multi-faceted suffering during his earthly journey and his willingness to identify with us through that suffering. I also identified the variety of empathies Jesus utilized that are recorded in scripture – which I described as his cognitive, affective, emotional, and saving, spiritual, and pro-social empathies. My point was to show how Jesus tapped into a variety of empathies to speak to the conditions of the people he ministered to and served.

By Karla McLaren’s definition, Jesus would have been considered a balanced empath leaning toward a hyper-empath. Yet his empathic capacity and skills were much greater and honed than the average person. Throughout the Bible we get glimpses into his ability to discern what people are feeling, their motives, and even the spirit in which they were operating.

Let me give you some examples of Jesus the Empath:

In Luke 5:22-23 Jesus is speaking to Pharisees who wanted to show he was against “The Law”, but it says, “When Jesus perceived their questionings, he answered them, “Why do you raise such questions in your hearts?” Jesus discerned their motives and answered them with wisdom. 

In John 11:33-35 Jesus wept as he saw the pain of Mary and Martha on losing their brother Lazarus. It says, “When Jesus saw her weeping and the Jews who came with her also weeping, he was greatly disturbed in spirit and deeply moved.” The text emphasizes that he felt their emotions at the depth of his soul.

In Luke 19:41-44 we see Jesus weep another time, this time over the city of Jerusalem. It reads, “As he came near and saw the city, he wept over it, saying, “If you, even you, had only recognized on this day the things that make for peace!” He was brought to tears over their condition and their lack of understanding.

In John 6:14-15 Jesus was able to escape a mob because he discerned their motives and knew it did not align with God’s Kingdom of love and peace.  It says, “When Jesus realized that they were about to come and take him by force to make him king, he withdrew again to the mountain by himself.” He knew their intentions were wrong and escaped to take time for his own mindfulness.

In John 4:16-18 Jesus approaches a well and sees a woman who he discerns has had multiple husbands. Jesus shows that he understands her deep shame, lack of identity, and the emotional void this woman carried. It says, Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst.” Jesus offered her a chance to experience the fullness of life if she wanted it. 

And finally, in Mark 5:30 Jesus is touched by the woman with the issue of blood. There are many cultural references in this text that I don’t want to go into, but I want to focus on this one line in the text,

“Immediately aware that power had gone forth from him, Jesus turned about in the crowd and said, “Who touched my cloak?” 

If you do some research, you will find that the word power is more often translated virtue from the Greek. Thus, in many translations it reads, “the virtue had gone forth from him.” Some may even say this was Jesus’ empathy exuding from him. It was so great for the woman that she found hope again and was healed in more ways than just her issue of blood.

And there are many more examples of Jesus the Empath throughout the gospels. I think it is clear that Jesus’ empathy helped him comprehend, connect to, and care about others in a deep way. His empathy is the underlying ingredient that he wants us to tap into in our own lives, so we can live a more peaceful life with ourselves, with our friends, and with our neighbors.

Thus, I believe, as I have stated throughout this sermon series, following the example of Jesus we should all become more attuned to our own empathic nature for the benefit of our family, friends, and neighbors.

So, to help us get a bit more in touch with our own personal levels of empathy, I would like us to do something different this morning to close this message.  I would like us to take an Empathy Inventory. It is from the Karla McLaren’s book. “The Art of Empathy.” Please note: I know this inventory only gives us a picture our empathy and is not complete or all encompassing, but I have found it helpful to get me thinking more about my own empathy and the empathy of those around me.   

All you need to do for this inventory is remember the number of questions you answer “yes” to.  So, only count how many times you answer “yes.” Then at the end I will explain how you can score your inventory.  There are 43 questions – so I will pause briefly and then keep going to get through them. So, answer honestly but quickly. Here we go:

·        I tend to know how others are feeling, even (or especially if) they are trying to hide it.

·        I tend to avoid conflict because I don’t want to hurt others or make them feel embarrassed.

·        People (and animals) and their relationships and interactions are endlessly interesting to me.

·        I do not need to see other’s faces to read their emotions.

·        I am drawn to situations of injustice, and I spend a lot of time thinking about how to alleviate suffering. 

·        I often mimic the mannerisms, accents, and body language of others without meaning to.

·        I tend to think about interpersonal issues by imagining myself in the place of those involved.

·        I have a very easy time reading between the lines, under the surface, and behind the obvious.

·        I feel beauty palpably; beauty creates a sense of delight and expansiveness in my body.

·        Interpersonal conflict – even when it does not involve me personally – often feels physically painful to me.

·        I do not like black and white polarization, the truth usually resides somewhere in the middle.

·        When I make a social blunder, I feel extremely disturbed, and I work hard to make things right again.

·        I feel the emotions of others viscerally, as if the emotions belong to me.

·        I can sense and identify multiple simultaneous emotions in myself, in others, and in interactions between duos and groups.

·        I can sense and identify the relative intensity of multiple emotions in myself, in others, and in interactions between duos and groups.

·        I consider the needs and feelings of others in decisions I make often to the point of ignoring my own needs and feelings.

·        I love to watch interactions, especially when the people or animals are unaware of me.

·        I enjoy drama, movies, good television shows, and well-told stories.

·        I love good literature, well-written characters, and well-placed stories.

·        I love to play with and interact lovingly with people and animals.

·        I have an easy, natural ability in one or more art forms.

·        I have a good and often silly sense of humor.

·        I am good with shy people.

·        I am good with children.

·        I am good with animals.

·        In an emergency, I can focus on what’s important and provide assistance.

·        I often feel protective tender feelings toward others – even complete strangers.

·        Art, music, and literature touch me very deeply.

·        I am very sensitive to foods and tend to respond markedly to dietary changes.

·        I have an intense capacity to focus on activities that delight and engage me.

·        When I am in conflict with others, I tend to talk deeply about it with third parties so that I can sort out the many issues that have led to the conflict.

·        I love to talk about and think about interpersonal issues and social structures.

·        I have a rich interior life, and I enjoy being alone with my thoughts and ideas.

·        I often need to get away from the needs of others and recharge my emotional batteries.

·        I am deeply sensitive to things like sounds, colors, textures, scents, shapes, and spatial relationships between objects.

·        I am able to stay present (for myself and others) in the face of intense emotions like grief, rage, and despair.

·        I tend to physically feel the emotions of fear and anxiety of others in my body, especially when others are unwilling or unable to admit to feeling them.

·        I enjoy thinking about, searching for, and finding the perfect gift for others.

·        I regularly feel alongside others; I feel their emotions and share their concerns.

·        I tend to approach problems tangibly, using my hands and body as I think about and walk through the issues involved.

·        I gesture a great deal when I communicate, and my face is often very animated.

·        With those closest to me, I tend to rely upon gestures and eye contact (rather than words) during conversations.

·        I am very aware of the personal space of others.

Alright if you were marking down the number of yeses – take a moment and count them up. All you need is your total number of yeses.

If you answered yes to 20 or fewer of these questions, you can consider yourself  to be somewhat low in empathic ability at this moment. Please note, the reasons for this are different for each person. 

This score may mean that you’re relatively uninterested in or unaware of the emotions and situations of others. Sometimes, a lower score can mean that you’re actually hyper-empathic but currently unable to organize your sensitivities and your concerns for others in a way that works for you.

For those had 21-32 yes responses, this midrange of yes responses may place you in just the right empathic sweet spot – where your empathic responses are neither too cold nor too hot.  However, there may be areas where you need some support in increasing or decreasing specific sensitivities. We are always trying hard to create a balanced, healthy, and happy emphatic presence in our world.

For those who had 33-43 yes responses, this places you in the high empathy category, which can lead you into hyper-empathy if you haven’t learned to create effective boundaries, work gracefully with emotions, and use self-regulation skills when you’re overwhelmed. As I said earlier, Jesus was probably a hyper-empath but he was able to balance out his emotions, set bounderies, and use self-regulation skills. High levels of empathy can be double-edged swords for many of us, especially if we were born this way. Often those who are in this category never have had to learn about their responses and do not know how to manage their empathic abilities.

Karla McLaren suggests as you consider your score, take some time to think about the people in your life who you consider being low in empathy or high in empathy. 

Karla points out that people who seem to be very low in empathy can sometimes be covering up an uncomfortable amount of hypersensitivity or an uncomfortable deep level of concern for others, which means they could use some gentleness and accommodation for others.

On the other side of the coin, people who seem to be high in empathy can be heading for burnout, because their empathic skills are too activated, which means they could use some gentleness and accommodation as well.

Again, this is a lot to chew on, so as we enter waiting worship, I would like us to consider the following queries:

How do I feel about my level of empathy, and what does it say about my empathic skills?  

What am I learning from the empathy of Jesus?

How might I utilize my empathy to bring more peace into my life and the life of those around me?

9-25-22 - Empathy, It's Hard (Part 3)

Empathy, It’s Hard (Part 3)

Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting

Pastor Bob Henry

September 25, 2022

Good morning, Friends and welcome to Light Reflections.  This week I am on part three of my series on Empathy.  The scripture text for this morning is Micah 6:8 from the New Revised Standard Version.

He has told you, O mortal, what is good,
    and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice and to love kindness
    and to walk humbly with your God?

On Monday, as I sat down to write the next sermon in this series on Empathy, I took a moment to reflect where we have been so far.  If you missed a sermon in this series, you may want to go back and watch it on our YouTube channel.

In my first sermon I shared that I believe empathy is a gift that enables us to take the perspective of another, to see the world as Thoreau says, “through their eyes,” and to deeply connect with them in a way that wouldn’t be possible without this special gift. And at the end of the message, I focused on Lauren Graham’s signs that we are not doing empathy well.

Last week, I showed us how Jesus’ empathy arose out of his own relational, emotional, and physical suffering, and how he responded to the marginalized of his day through cognitive, affective, compassionate, and saving/pro-social/spiritual empathy. Leaving us to ponder how we are or should respond to those suffering in our world. 

Today, I want to explore why empathy often seems to have a problem within religion and especially Christianity, today.  To help us explore this, I will be referencing Senior Lecturer in Psychology from Leeds Beckett University, Dr. Steve Taylor’s perspective on this subject.  

But before we dive into the meat of Dr. Taylor’s work and what I have gleaned from it, I want to take you back to Monday morning when I sat down to write this message. 

As I opened Facebook after my morning meditation, I took a moment to look at my Facebook Memories realizing that 2 years ago I had posted about the monumental passing of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. 

At the same time, I was receiving updates about Queen Elizabeth’s funeral happening that morning, so I turned on my TV to have the funeral playing in the background.

As I returned to my memories, I read how 8 years ago my mom was cleared to begin therapy to walk again after enduring a head-on automobile collision in Oregon.

And how 9 years ago that Monday I was interviewing fellow pastor and Friend, Phil Gulley on his new book at the time, “Living the Quaker Way” for Englewood Review of Books. 

And then, overwhelmingly sprinkled through my memories each year since I first jumped on Facebook in 2007, were memorials to the passing of singer and songwriter, Rich Mullins. Monday happened to be the 25th anniversary of his sudden and early death by a car accident in Bloomington, Illinois back in 1997.  I realized within the first hour that this was becoming a rather heavy day for me to be reviewing my memories.

I paused for a moment and thought I would mute the funeral procession of Queen Elizabeth and jump off Facebook and take a few more moments to listen to some of Rich’s music. After a couple of my favorites, a song that has always spoke to my condition came on. The song was “Hard” by Rich Mullins. I have asked Eric to come and play it for us today to set the tone for this message.  

[Eric will play “Hard.”]

Thank you, Eric. 

Dr. Taylor says that the teachings of religious leaders such as Jesus set a high bar for human behavior and that their followers often struggle to meet these standards.

This is what Rich Mullins was wrestling with in that song Eric just sang. We must be honest, it’s not easy to love your enemy; it’s not easy to turn the other cheek when someone insults or injures you. It's not easy to refrain from lying or harming other living beings.

Nevertheless, in our world today, it often surprises me when people who call themselves religious, or more specifically Christian, act in ways that are contrary to the basic teachings of their faith. 

Most experts, including Dr. Taylor, state that the essence of Jesus’s teachings is empathy and compassion – as I tried to highlight last week in my sermon.  Dr. Taylor says that,

“At a time when the Romans were oppressing and murdering his people, Jesus advocated his followers to ‘do good to those who hate you’ and ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him.’ At a time when human life was full of brutality and war, Jesus stated that ‘Blessed are the peacemakers,’ and advised soldiers to ‘Put your sword back into its place; for those who live by the sword, die by the sword.’

And yet, the actions of many who claim they are Christian in our world today are difficult to understand in light of these teachings.

I too find myself questioning this all the time. I personally find it really hard to do good to those who hate me – and God forbid I would want to make them dinner or take care of their needs.

Even though I am a Quaker, I find my actions not befitting a peacemaker on occasion. Sure, I have a sticker on my car that says, “War is not the answer” but often I find myself embroiled in wars of a much different nature – conversational or email wars, Meeting wars, even theological wars. I have to ask myself, do I really believe in peacemaking or just getting what I want or being right?  

Dr. Taylor asks some poignant queries regarding these difficulties:

·        Why are some Christians suspicious and hostile towards marginalized groups, rather than being charitable?

·        Why do some Christians advocate conflict and aggression towards other countries rather than pursuing peace?

·        Why do they support government leaders who seem incapable of empathy and compassion, and whose policies lead to increased xenophobia and conflict?

This is nothing new, history shows that there has always been a massive gulf between religious teaching and the actions of religious people.

Dr. Taylor pointed out that hundreds of millions of people have been killed in the name of Christianity. From the Crusades to the Spanish Inquisition and the Nazis, violent psychopaths have used the Christian religion as a pretext for mass murder, or at least seen no contradiction in committing atrocities whilst professing to be Christians.

Talk about hard…this is hard. 

So why is there a tragic mismatch between Christian teachings and the actions of Christian people?

Dr. Taylor says it is too simplistic to accuse religious people of hypocrisy, of not being real Christians…, or of twisting the teachings of their religion to suit their own ends.  Those are what we usually go-to.

There is some truth in all those accusations, but Dr. Taylor believes that there is a more fundamental reason. He says,

“While religions may teach compassion and empathy, actually being religious often leads to a diminishing of the capacity for empathy and compassion. For many people, the function of religion is to strengthen the self, bringing a sense of certainty and superiority and group identity. Feeling that you possess ‘the truth’ and that everyone else who has different beliefs is wrong, provides a very strong sense of identity, which is bolstered by the feeling of belonging to a group. And a strong sense of ego or self often equates with a low level of empathy and compassion. As our beliefs become stronger, the boundaries of our self become stronger, and we find it more difficult to connect with other human beings. We become ‘walled-in’ by the strong structures of our identity.  As many studies have shown, religious people find it easy to empathize with and be altruistic to members of their group, but are much less empathetic and altruistic towards members of other groups.

Another way of putting this is that for most people, the actual teachings of religions aren’t so important. The paramount thing is the psychological function of religions — that is, the sense of certainty and identity that they provide. The psychological benefits of religion are so great that some believers are able to ignore and contradict the essential teachings of their religion, without experiencing any cognitive discord. Their need for belief outweighs their need for self-authenticity.”

Obviously, Dr. Taylor is painting with a broad brush, but he is getting to the core of what I believe Quakers have always wrestled with inside the bubble of religion.  

Instead of possessing “the truth” Friends have always worked to be “convinced of” or “seek” the truth together.

Therefore, Friends will lean more toward uncertainty than having it all figured out.

We will encourage people to ask deeper queries, and work to interact in community instead of on our own.

·        It’s why our Faith and Practice is seen as a guide, and a fluid document which can always be questioned and changed.

·        It is why we do not adhere to rigid dogmas, doctrines, or creeds. 

·        Its why we embrace Continuing Revelation – which keeps us on our feet looking for what new thing the Divine is doing in our midst. And it allows for us to evolve and grow in our understanding of God and our neighbor.

·        It is why we have many interpretations of scripture and seek guidance from outside the Bible.

·        It is why we do not have images and symbols in our Meetinghouses so all are welcomed and walls and barriers are not set between those of differing beliefs.

·        It is why as Friends, Peace is not just about killing others, but also learning to have respect for them.

·        It is why we are not a denomination but rather a Society of Friends, or even better yet… a way of life.    

And these aspects of the Quaker Way have historically been put in place to help keep us from becoming myopic, from naval gazing, and only helping ourselves or protecting our way.

Have we always been able to do this? No. Actually, we have many Quaker Meetings who have closed because they could not see outside their four walls. Who became myopic, lost in naval gazing, only to lay down their meetings or churches while protecting their so-called beliefs or ideas. 

That is not what I want to see happen at First Friends – even though we are always very close to this reality, especially when we get comfortable, stop asking questions, and forget those outside our four walls.  

To help put this in perspective, I often turn to the closing paragraph of Phil Gulley’s book, “Living the Quaker Way” where he reminds us what it means to live the Quaker Way. He says,  

“Any religion that does not have a kind and hopeful word for the world’s oppressed or creates by virtue of its principles an underclass is not a religion worth our dedication or obedience. As for me, I want no part of any god or religion that exalts some and vilifies others…To live the Quaker way is to see God not just in some but in all. It is to want the best for all and to work for that lofty goal with a cheerful heart and unflagging zeal. It is to want what Jesus wanted – God’s kingdom of peace and justice to be realized on earth, just as it is realized in heaven. To live the Quaker way is to scorn injustice and reject self-interested privilege. It is in the words of the prophet Micah, to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with the God who cherishes all.”

So, my prayer this morning is that we at First Friends would not become myopic, but rather embrace the hard work of living together the Quaker Way.  Let us not diminish our empathy and compassion for others to protect our own desires, certainty, or superiority.

 To help us center down into waiting worship, I have a couple queries for us to ponder this morning.

·        Where have I become “walled-in” by the structures of my identity and ego? Where has First Friends become “walled-in” by the structures of our identity and ego?

·        Where in my life am I seeking “the best for all”?  What privilege(s) may I need to reject or lay down to better welcome and serve my neighbor? 

9-18-22 - Climbing into Their Skin (Part 2)

Climbing into Their Skin

Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting

Pastor Bob Henry

September 18, 2022

Good morning, Friends and welcome to Light Reflections. Today, we are continuing our fall sermon series on empathy. The scripture text we will be looking at is Matthew 20:29-34 from the New Revised Standard Version:  

As they were leaving Jericho, a large crowd followed him. There were two blind men sitting by the roadside. When they heard that Jesus was passing by, they shouted, “Lord, have mercy on us, Son of David!” The crowd sternly ordered them to be quiet, but they shouted even more loudly, “Have mercy on us, Lord, Son of David!” Jesus stood still and called them, saying, “What do you want me to do for you?” They said to him, “Lord, let our eyes be opened.” Moved with compassion, Jesus touched their eyes. Immediately they regained their sight and followed him.

When our oldest son, Alex, was in high school, he spent a lot of time with the theater department. Often, he was behind the scenes working on tech and lighting, but one year he was encouraged to perform, playing Nathan Radley in the stage production of Harper Lee’s classic, To Kill a Mockingbird. 

This happened to be a timely production for our small community of Silverton, Oregon who was openly struggling with issues of race, sexual identity, religious and political diversity.   

I clearly remember a moment from the production (which is also in the book) where an inexperienced teacher punishes Scout unfairly on the first day of school. That evening, her father, Atticus, sits with her on the front porch of their home to explain empathy. Atticus says,

If you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it. 

These truths are what has made “To Kill a Mocking Bird” so relevant still today. Sadly, this relevance has also produced a fear among some which has in turn listed it as a banned book in many states. Again, this shows how truth is often hard to swallow. 

I think I have shared before, that when I was in my doctoral studies, I had a professor that had us spend time focusing on the human characteristics of Jesus. He believed that all the miracles and divine attributes took away from our ability to relate to Jesus and see him as a character we could emulate in our day-to-day lives.

When you take away the miracles and the divine, you begin to see a man who suffered a great deal more than we might expect and is much easier to relate to.

Just by exploring the human side of Jesus through the Gospel of John, I was exposed to three different types of suffering Jesus endured – relational, emotional, and physical suffering. 

Jesus suffered relationally. He was unwelcome, heaped with unfair expectations, mislabeled, underestimated, gossiped about, plotted against, and abandoned.

Jesus suffered emotionally. He was misunderstood, criticized, mocked, belittled, constantly questioned, betrayed, and sentenced despite His innocence.

Jesus suffered physically. He was pursued by crowds when He was trying to be alone, and He was fatigued, stripped, beaten, spit on, made to carry the instrument of His death and ultimately crucified.

My professor’s point was clearly made, I was finally able to see the historical, human Jesus as one who could relate to our earthly condition and sufferings. Jesus had done what Atticus had encouraged Scout to do – to climb into someone else’s skin and walk around in it. 

After finishing my master’s degree, I spent some time working as a professional grant writer for a parachurch organization in Wheaton, IL. Part of my job was to understand our ministries and know how to fully represent them in grant proposals.

One of our newest programs was focused on helping formerly incarcerated young women and men achieve their High School diploma or GED to be able to receive productive jobs in society. The two men in charge of the program realized I knew very little about incarcerated youth or the systems and policies that controlled their lives.

So, one day, the program leaders asked that I request security clearance to go with them to Juvenile Bootcamp, as well as, Minimum- and Maximum-Security Prisons. They thought I would have a much better understanding of incarceration and the youth within the system, if I met and interacted with them in person.

I put my grant writing on hold and for a few days went with the program directors into the jail systems of Chicago. I sat around tables talking with mere children who had been picked up for marijuana possession or stealing a handful of candy at a gas station, and all the way to a young man, whose eyes I will never forget, who had killed his grandmother in front of his mother because he was high on drugs and thought she was an intruder.

They each talked about the guilt they had, the desires to make real changes in their lives, and to have a semi-normal life again. Most were the age of the youth in my youth group back at my church. 

I may not have actually put myself in their shoes, but I walked away from these experiences with a much different view of what I needed to write grants about to get them real help after they were released from jail. I also went back and did a lot more study on incarceration among minorities in our country. I learned how Mass Incarceration of minorities soared during Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton’s administrations becoming big business in this country.   

Overall, the experience changed me and my empathy for these young people grew. That experience is why today I am a big supporter of Bryan Stevenson’s Equal Justice Initiative – which you can read more about in his bestselling book, “Just Mercy.” Another banned book that teaches about both empathy and justice.

Bryan Stevenson says that achieving a more just society and fostering an ethic of mercy requires individuals from all side to become more empathetic.”

It is why I take my family to Civil Rights sites when on vacation and continue to educate myself about race and the truth of injustices for minorities in this country. I am trying to grow my empathy and the empathy of those around me – and it is not easy.   

Now, let’s return briefly to Jesus. As I explored the humanness of Jesus, I also was gripped by how clearly empathetic Jesus is throughout the gospels. I believe Jesus is a model of what Mario Boies calls, integral empathy – meaning Jesus exemplifies the fundamental and essential qualities of empathy.

And Boies breaks that into congnitive, affective, compassionate, and pro-social, saving and spiritual empathy. 

Cognitive empathy is Jesus deeply understanding the difficult social situations of the marginalized who turn to him for relief from their suffering, and healing from their illnesses.

In our text for today, Jesus sees (like Thoreau’s quote from last week) and realizes the pain of the two blind men of Jericho who suffer from the rejection and intolerance of the “crowd that rebuked them.” So, Jesus “puts himself in their shoes” and chooses to stop and listen to their suffering. As soon as he stops, I am sure people included him in the taunting and rejection.

Emotional empathy is Jesus welcoming the sick and feels their suffering with his emotions and feelings.

Therefore, with his question, “What do you want me to do for you?” in our text, Jesus demonstrates an unconditional welcome and an empathetic listening, letting his heart be touched by the cry of despair and anguish of these men.

Jesus did not say, “Here is what you need” or “Let me fix it.”  Instead, his empathy includes space for their desires, and thus they respond by saying, “Lord, may our eyes be opened!”

The empathic, cognitive, and affective understanding of the suffering of the blind moved Jesus. So deeply that some translations say he was moved “in his innards.”

This deep guttural feeling triggers in Jesus, his compassion and a visceral motivation to give meaning and hope to these two blind men’s lives.

Therefore, the expression “Jesus had compassion on them” which appears throughout the Gospels, clearly reveals this compassionate empathy of Jesus.

Finally, there is the Saving, Spiritual, and Pro-social empathy. This is where Jesus’ compassion led him to perform genuinely empathic actions and gestures aimed at relieving these men of their suffering, but also to bear witness to the fact that the kingdom of God is not in the future or when we die, but is in the present.

Thus, in the case of the two blind men, Jesus’ saving, spiritual, pro-social empathy is manifest in the act of healing or their regaining of sight: Our text says, “He touched their eyes, and they instantly recovered their sight and followed him.”

Now, whether you believe our text was a real miracle or simply a metaphor for coming to some insight out of ignorance, there is a saving, spiritual and pro-social quality to this empathetic response.

I have learned in scripture, salvation can be as simple as giving someone a cold cup of water or noticing, acknowledging, and seeing people who are suffering and seeking a way to bring healing. This kind of salvation is pro-social and meant for us now in our families, communities, and our Meeting, not just when we die. 

So, Jesus’ integral empathy thus becomes an inspiring model for our daily lives.

We too should be aware and working to grow our cognitive, emotional, compassionate, and saving, spiritual, and pro-social empathy for the benefit of those who are suffering around us. 

To begin to work on this, I would like us, as we enter waiting worship this morning, to consider someone we know who is suffering in our lives. Then ask yourself the following queries: 

·        Do I see and understand their suffering?

·        Do I feel their suffering deeply in my emotions and feelings?

·        Am I being led to have compassion on them?

·        Is there a way I might bring relief to their suffering in the present?  

9-11-22 - Through Their Eyes (Part 1)

Through Their Eyes

Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting

Pastor Bob Henry

September 11, 2022

Good morning, Friends and welcome to Light Reflections. Today is Kick Off Sunday at First Friends, which means we are starting up all our fall programming. 

The scripture for this morning is Galatians 6:2-5 from The Voice translation.   

Shoulder each other’s burdens, and then you will live as the law of the Anointed teaches us. Don’t take this opportunity to think you are better than those who slip because you aren’t; then you become the fool and deceive even yourself. Examine your own works so that if you are proud, it will be because of your own accomplishments and not someone else’s. Each person has his or her own burden to bear and story to write.

American naturalist, essayist, poet, and philosopher Henry David Thoreau was on to something very crucial for our time when he posed this query,

“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?”

Sit with that query for a moment.

“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?”

For several months now, I have been noticing a common theme rearing its head in the books, articles, and blogs I have been reading. Even while listening to NPR a week or so ago, the commentator mentioned in an interview that our world is currently deficient in this important aspect, and she was pondering where it had gone and how it would more fully return to the public square.   

As I began to do my research for this kickoff Sunday and for this fall sermon series, I realized this common theme has a great deal to do with religion and the Church - and overtime has been relegated to the back seat or back burner needing to return and reclaim its place within our faith and communities for the sake of our own wellbeing. 

So, what is this common theme and aspect that is lacking, missing, or being neglected?

It is empathy.

I believe empathy is a gift that enables us to take the perspective of another, to see the world as Thoreau says, “through their eyes,” and to deeply connect with them in a way that wouldn’t be possible without this special gift.  

Also, empathy is a beautiful gift we all have access to. It enables us to see and hear echoes of others in our selves. It is in this way that we come to understand what may or may not be in our own experience, but which allows us to relate to, appreciate, and even feel compassion for others through the deep knowing and connection that occurs when we really listen to their experiences.

And all of this is to happen without judgment (maybe the hardest aspect these days), which allows for a deep connection to occur and begins the long journey to true and sustaining peace.

Susan Lanzoni in her article “A Short History of Empathy,” says, “The word [empathy] was introduced in the early 1900s as a translation for the German word Einfühlung. Empathy is a combination of two Greek words, “em” and “pathos,” which together mean “in feeling.”

Thus, without empathy, we could live, work side-by-side, even worship with other people, and remain as clueless about their inner selves and feelings as we are about those of strangers at a concert or shopping at Target.

Empathy isn’t just the catalyst for closeness and positive social behavior, it should also help us put on our internal brakes when we are behaving badly and becoming aware of the pain we’re causing our neighbors.

Early Quakers were very interested in empathy. In T. Vail Palmer’s wonderful book, Face to Face: Early Quaker Encounters with the Bible, Palmer makes the case that a deep valuing of empathy played a major role in early Quakers’ interpretation of the Bible. He says,

Friends have developed explicit practices for fostering empathy, because even though humans have a capacity for empathy, that does not mean we necessarily pay attention to it. Quaker practices like “listening beyond words” combine with empathy to open the way for people to develop deep insights into each other. Empathetic interactions build connections between people at levels much deeper than rational judgments and accumulated information.

I think T. Vail Palmer’s words hark a call to us Quakers to pay attention once again to our empathy. And this is not an easy call and will take some personal work.

In USA Today columnist and senior political analyst for CNN, Kristen Power’s important book, Saving Grace: Speak Your Truth, Stay Connected, and Learn to Coexist with People Who Drive You Nuts. (That title alone drew me in), she says,

“It is wonderful to be empathetic, and we need more empathy in the world. But what many of us call empathy is actually just an open-door policy to toxic behavior that leaves us burned out.”

Therefore, to reclaim empathy, we will need to take some time to look at it from several different angles and delve deeper into what it means for us as Quakers, Christians, and as human beings. This is my plan over the next several Sundays.

So, this morning, I want to begin with going back to an article that caught my attention about a year ago by Lauren Graham writer for the FTC Institute. I think she addresses well why it is so important to pay attention to empathy and how easily it can misguide us and create toxic behavior within the Church and in our communities.  Lauren says,

“Even in our best efforts to display…love, we often find ourselves struggling with the practical outpouring of empathy in our day to day lives. We may deeply desire to show empathy towards others but find ourselves lost as to what that looks like. We may be well-intentioned in our efforts but find ourselves stumbling in our relationships, many times unbeknownst to us.”

I don’t know about you, but for the past few years I have definitely felt lost in regard to being empathetic to certain groups of people – and social media, the news networks, and the polarization of the world have not made it any easier.

Lauren helps us unpack this by giving us six signs we are not doing empathy well.  She begins with:

1.     We only give empathy when it is convenient to us. The truth of the matter is that if we are doing empathy right, it will cost us in some way, shape, or form. It will cost us energy, time, emotional stability, comfort, and so many other conveniences.

Empathy by nature is inconvenient because it demands that we step out of our own world and into the world of another human. And if we are honest with ourselves, many times we simply do not want to pay the price of stepping out of our own world.

This is exactly what Jesus was emphasizing when he shared the parable of the Good Samaritan, who was joyous in inconveniencing himself in order to “love his neighbor.” It was empathy that moved him to take action. We will be looking more at what Jesus had to say in the coming weeks.

2.     When the other person offends us or makes a mistake, we withhold empathy. We have all heard horror stories about people turning their backs on friends at times when they were needed most. We are very willing to be empathetic until we are confronted with human messiness... It is at this point where many times empathy tends to go out the window.

I have been sickened by families and friendships who have withheld empathy over their religious beliefs, political party lines, wearing masks, understanding of racial history, financial situations, even over choices or beliefs about sexual orientations and gender identity issues. Most of the time, this arises because we are unwilling to enter the messiness and actually listen to and understand each other – which is a key aspect of empathy.

3.     We look for opportunities to “educate” the other person in the conversation. If we are looking for opportunities to assert ourselves as an expert or a guide, we are likely not expressing empathy but arrogance. Empathy is not an avenue to exalt ourselves but a road on which we die to ourselves in service of our neighbor.

We may need to explore this more, as I know this one is quite evident in our world, today – especially with the access we all have to a wealth of knowledge on the internet. Lauren’s next point is similar:

4.     We try to fix the problem instead of listening intently for how the person feels. If we are giving another person a how-to guide in order to fix the issue they are facing, we have completely missed the point of empathy.

Attempting to fix the situation is not empathy and oftentimes leads to foolish speech as we have not really heard or understood the other person in order to actually be helpful in any way.

Please hear me on this: Empathy is being willing to sit in the pain and suffering of another person without trying to change it, lighten it, get rid of it, fix it, or drown it out. 

5.     We turn someone else’s vulnerability into an opportunity to draw attention to ourselves. Empathy is not about us, folks. To be empathetic is to sit in the seat of another human and look at the world through their eyes (as Thoreau said).

This requires that we abandon any efforts to put the spotlight back on ourselves. This is not easy, and often abused within the church and our world, today. This means, empathy seeks to understand the suffering of the person in front of us not in an effort to play the comparison game with our own stories of suffering.

And finally, one of the most important signs:

6.     We are not willing to challenge our own beliefs, assumptions, or convictions in hearing another’s story.

I truly believe that a large reason why empathy is immensely difficult for many of us is that in order to do it well it would require a certain amount of risk.

It is a risk to be empathetic towards others. It is a risk because to do so would mean that we would put ourselves in a position to be challenged, to be proven incorrect or false.

Obviously, I am giving us a lot to chew on in this first sermon, but we will continue to unpack some of these ideas in the coming weeks.  As a review and an opportunity to ponder as we head into waiting worship, let me read through Lauren’s signs that we are not doing empathy well, one last time, but this time I will turn them into our queries for this morning:

1.     Do I only give empathy when it is convenient to me?

2.     When other people offend me or makes a mistake, do I withhold empathy?

3.     Do I look for opportunities to “educate” the other people in a conversation?

4.     Do I try to fix the problem instead of listening intently for how the person feels?

5.     Do I turn someone else’s vulnerability into an opportunity to draw attention to myself?

6.     Am I not willing to challenge my own beliefs, assumptions, or convictions in hearing another’s story?

9-4-22 - Prioritizing Our Passions

Prioritizing Our Passions

Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting

Pastor Bob Henry

September 4, 2022

Job 37: 14-16

Hear this, Job.
        Pause where you are, and ponder the wonders of God.
Do you know how God orchestrates these marvels?
        How He makes the clouds flash with lightning?
Do you know how those same clouds are hung up in the sky or how they move?
        Do you know the wonders of God, who is perfect in His knowledge of such things?

Last week, I preached on the query, “What is your why?” and we also looked at the Japanese term, ikigai, which translated means “a reason for being.” I said the inspiration was Beth’s sermon the week prior on the difference between passion and obsessions.

I believe exploring our why is a first step in looking at our passions. This week, since we were supposed to be out in nature and in a different setting, I wanted us, like Job in our text, to be encouraged to “pause where we are and ponder the wonders of God” – and to realize the importance of getting a new perspective on helping us explore our passions, beliefs, and purposes.

Just being in the meditational woods (or an outdoor setting) can provide for us a new perspective, I hope sometime later this week you will get take the opportunity to step outside and ponder this message.    

Most of us at First Friends live in an urban environment instead of a rural one, and technology or our jobs keep us indoors most of the time. This means we are simply less healthy due to our withdrawal from the great outdoors. 

The good news is that by taking even the smallest steps (like reading a book on our patio, or taking a stroll around the local park, even worshiping outside once and a while) we can improve our body, mind, heart, and soul. 

Also, whether we’re the ‘outdoorsy type’ or not, nature has a lot to teach us about pursuing our greatest life, outside or otherwise.

I know for me, when I am stuck on a sermon, or some project I am working on, I head out and take a walk around my neighborhood. I don’t put my Airpods in my ears to listen to a book or music, and I turn off the ringer on my phone.

As I walk, I allow nature to speak to me. I allow my mind to be cleared, and seek to see things that I might not when just taking a walk.

I might watch the ducks in our pond or the majestic gray heron trying to catch a fish, sometimes I watch the playfulness of a squirrel or the slow pace of a turtle. I love to take in the cloud formations, the changing leaves, and even how the wind blows through the trees.

Different perspectives inspire me, offer me new opportunities, and even introduce me to new possibilities. Often after my walk, I can come back to my work with a new clarity and purpose. 

Also, during the summer we learn that what we choose to do on our off time or vacation, and what we think about while on holidays, indicates what we are passionate about in life. It often takes getting out of the routine of our lives and the spaces we frequent to see and experience new perspectives.

This is why as a family, Sue, me, and the boys have always loved road trips – short weekend ones or longer vacation road trips. When the stress of life, school, ministry, and teaching would get the best of us, Sue would often say, I think we need to get out of town.

In Oregon we lived about an hour from the coast. Often after church we would drive to the coast simply to walk the beach and watch the sunset before heading into a new week. I think that is one thing we miss the most from our time in Oregon. 

But we do similar things here when our weeks get stressful. For me, I like to take a break during my week and head out into our meditational woods. I love to sit and listen to the waterfall, the rustling of the trees, and watch all the wildlife.

On the weekends, Sue will research a place for us to go take a walk, this past week we drove to Zionsville to Starkey Nature Park and took a 2 mile walk through the beautiful woods and along the river.

Nature or the wilderness clears our minds, get us off our phones, and reconnects us with our breathing and listening – and it also encourages us to remember our purpose and rejuvenate our passions.   

What I have found is that when we are relaxed, in new surroundings, or observing life from a different perspective, we find that many of our interests and dreams easily surface. Some of Sue and my best conversations, decisions, even plans have come during road trips or walks in nature. 

A few months ago, Eric Baker started a group that does “walk and talk meet ups.”  They take walks in green spaces specifically to dialogue and discuss current issues. There is a beautiful connection to nature and working through our struggles.

All this kind of reminds me of things we see happening in the bible. Take for example the biblical character of Moses. He had a passion for helping the suffering Hebrew people, but to accomplish his passions he first had to spend time in the desert where God would get him ready to go to their rescue. God thought Moses needed a different perspective to be the most effective. 

As well, the Spirit led Jesus into the wilderness where he was challenged to hone his passions and establish his purposes. When he came out of the wilderness, he began preaching and teaching his message of hope.

This morning, I was hoping to be out in nature, and getting a different perspective just by being out there, but that may have to come later.  Let’s be flexible this morning and continue the following exercise I had planned.   

We started last week in looking at our why or ikigai, and this week, I want to challenge us to take some more time in doing what is called “passion-prioritizing.” 

Beliefnet.com offered the following exercise that has helped me, and I would like to share it with you this morning. 

Beliefnet.com believes the end-of-summer is the perfect time to get our passions in order. Warm weather makes us either wilt in the heat or chase after every dream we ever had because the back-to-business seriousness of fall and winter are coming.

So here is the exercise. (Take out the green insert in your bulletin,)

1.     Start by making a list of your current passions. 

One might be a hobby.

One might be a relationship.

One might be a dream.  

2.     Next to each passion, write down whether or not you think you have to suffer for it. 

Are your fingers nicked from failed attempts to accomplish a perfectly julienned carrot? 

Does your significant other drive you crazy? 

Are you wrestling with the title for the short story you’ve been sweating over?  

3.     Ask yourself if each passion is worth it. 

Looking at your list, are there any that no longer give you that spark of excitement, curiosity, drive, and life force that they once did? 

Passions that once consumed us might suddenly no longer rank. That’s ok, letting go of an old passion can free you up for a new one.

I’m curious to know what’s left on your list, and why you still endure your passions. Or, do you disagree with the notion of passion’s inherent connection with suffering? 

Are your passions more purely joyful than deliciously difficult? 

These are some good queries for us to ponder this morning.

So, as we head into waiting worship, take this time to gain a new perspective. Take this time to answer the queries I just posed and see what passions arise in your hearts and which you may want to let go.

If you feel led to share or God puts something on your heart for the Meeting, please step up to one of the microphones at the front or back of the Meetinghouse.

Let’s take this time this morning.

8-28-22 - What Is Your Why? Ikigai

What Is Your Why? Ikigai

Indianapolis First Friends Quaker Meeting

Pastor Bob Henry

August 28, 2022

Good morning, Friends and welcome to Light Reflections. The scripture passage for this morning is a short one – again it is one of the proverbs from the Old Testament, Proverbs 20:5 from the New Revised Standard Version.

The purposes in the human mind are like deep water,

    but the intelligent will draw them out.

A few weeks ago now, I preached on the query that Gene Siskel gave Oprah Winfrey in 1998 – What do you know for sure? And we have had a great deal of rich conversation and dialogue around that query. It has really spoken to the condition of some in our meeting and I personally have benefit from the ongoing exploration with you. 

Today, I want to introduce another query that I have heard a great deal, lately. It was prompted by Beth Henrick’s excellent message last week on the difference between passion and obsession. As Beth talked about St. Francis’ passion I began to wonder, “How St. Francis would answer this query?” But better yet, I think we all need to ask this query of ourselves to really know where our beliefs, values, passions, and purpose come from. 

So, let’s ponder the following query this morning – What is your why?  

Maybe grab a pencil or pen and write that down on a piece of paper this morning - What is your why?

In Japanese they have a term for this query. It is the term “ikigai” (yes, that sounds strange, but that is how it is said) – which translated means “a reason for being” and is anything that gives a deep sense of purpose to a person’s life and makes it worthwhile. It could be considered what you get up for every morning.

I first was introduced to ikigai by Rob Bell in his book, “How to Be Here” where he says, “Your ikigai is a work in progress because you are a work in progress. Knowing your ikigai, then, takes patience and insight, and courage, and honesty.”

Someone once suggested that we can begin to explore our why or ikigai, by going back and looking at our favorite movies when we were kids. What was your favorite movie as a kid?

I know for me, I liked Star Wars and still do, but one of my all-time favorite movies while I was in high school was the 1987 hit, “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” starring Steve Martin and the late John Candy. Some consider it the quintessential Thanksgiving movie. I know in the Henry household we watch it almost everything Thanksgiving.

During high school, my friend Rob and I loved this movie so much we wrote out the script and had most of the lines memorized after hundreds of viewings.

Looking back, today, I find it almost weird that this movie captured us, because there is very little a high schooler should relate to or even be drawn in by this movie. 

Just listen to the description on Google:

Easily excitable Neal Page (played by Steve Martin) is somewhat of a control freak. Trying to get home to Chicago to spend Thanksgiving with his wife and kids, his flight is rerouted to a distant city in Kansas because of a freak snowstorm, and his sanity begins to fray. Worse yet, he is forced to bunk up with talkative Del Griffith (played by John Candy), whom he finds extremely annoying. Together they must overcome the insanity of holiday travel to reach their intended destination.

That same year was the The Lost Boys, Dirty Dancing, Princess Bride, Adventures in Babysitting, Robocop, and so many more, but somehow, I gravitated to a humorous story about two middle-aged men trying to get home for the holidays. 

As our kids were being raised, I took some years off from watching Planes, Trains and Automobiles, but when I thought they were old enough to enjoy the movie, I shared it with them as almost a rite of passage. We laughed together through the “Those aren’t pillows” and “You’re going the wrong way – how do they know which way were going?” scenes just like I did throughout high school. 

But then came the end of the movie where Neal Page has finally rid himself of Del Griffith and is headed home to celebrate Thanksgiving with his wife and kids. As he sits looking exhausted on the L-train in Chicago from his crazy road trip from hell with Del, he begins to put the pieces together and realizes Del Griffith was actually a homeless man, whose wife had died a long time ago, and he had no home to go to for Thanksgiving.

In coming to this realization, Neal’s heart changes and he takes the train back to where he left Del, only to find him sitting there alone in the station. Neal proceeds to take Del home to celebrate Thanksgiving with his family.   

As I was watching the movie with my boys, I began to cry almost uncontrollably. Not once had I ever cried while watching this movie in high school, except maybe tears of laughter. Yet, I sense somewhere deep down, when I was watching that movie with my friend in high school and with my family later on, I had actually been connecting to my “why” all along.  

Maybe ask yourself this week - What was my favorite movie growing up? And what might it be saying about my “why”?

Now, I am sure looking at the movies isn’t all we will need to do to find our “why.”  We might also want to ask ourselves some more queries. Like, Why do I do the things I do, in my work (or retirement) and in my personal life?

I’ll be the first to admit it. For just over a decade of my adult life, I didn’t really stop to think much about why I did what I did. In ministry it seems almost a given.

Yet, I was also often in survival mode as is the reality for those in ministry trying to raise a family. Although I have enjoyed many things about my life and ministry, I was kind of living, on many occasions, on autopilot and never really taking the time to stop and reflect on what the point of all of it was.

That is why several years ago, I began going on personal retreats (weekend or week-long retreats) where I often work through some queries that both remind me and challenge me to get to the “why” behind my passions. Sometimes I need to be reminded and sometimes I need to learn new reasons and new aspects of my “why” to keep me going. 

Take for instance, last year, on my personal retreat I explored my “why” by looking at my doubt – something that for many pastors is almost a forbidden subject. On the second day of my week-long retreat, I began to dig deeper, I wrote in my journey the following query:

Who am I without God, without Jesus, without the Holy Spirit, without Christian faith? Would there be a recognizable me left if I lost my faith?

For the next four days I wrestled with the very core of “What is my why?” I came away both challenged, inspired, and renewed. 

I think Howard Thurman said it so well. He said, “Cultivate the discipline of listening to the sound of the genuine in yourself.”  We all need to listen to what is genuinely us – not what someone else put in there for us, or that our environment has produced.

As I dedicated time cultivating that discipline of listening deeply to my own soul in that personal retreat, I found myself where Brian McLaren says doubt leads us: to the crossroads of bitter and better. This is a crossroad where I must make some personal choices. Where I choose whether my “why” will be shaped by breakthrough or break down, love or despair, being hollow or holy, and by choosing to listen to cynics or sages.    

I would be more than willing to share more of this discovery with any of you over lunch some time – or you might want to pick up Brian McLaren’s book, “Faith after Doubt.” I highly recommend it. 

But let’s get back to the present moment, without going on a retreat, how can we begin to explore “What is our why?” right now? 

Leadership Coach, Sarah Kreischer says we can start by honestly exploring these queries (they are on the back of your bulletin),

·       Why do you do what you do? And why is that important to you?

·       Why do you get out of bed every day?

·       What do you believe at your very core?

·       What is the one reason you keep coming back to, regardless of what you’re doing or how you’re doing it?

She then says, “When you think about the answers to these questions, which answer makes you feel most alive? Which answer would you be the most excited to share with someone else?”

Again, it sounds a lot like Howard Thurman when he said, “Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

A few years ago, as I was doing research for a sermon, I came across a lecture on the number of questions Jesus asked in the Bible. Did you know that there are 339 questions of Jesus recorded in scripture. 

In Matthew Jesus asked 109 questions.

In Mark Jesus asked 68 questions.

In Luke Jesus asked 107 questions.

And in John Jesus asked 55 questions. 

That totals 339 questions in all.

I believe that Jesus knew that asking questions was not only a far more effective way to connect and engage with people, but it was a better way to help them discover their purpose, to help them come to their own conclusions, to make their own decisions, and find their “why” - than it ever would be to simply tell them what to do and why to do it!

Or as Kerry Dearborn, a professor emerita of theology at Seattle Pacific University said,

“I’m convinced Jesus used questions and stories as a means of connection and transformation — to awaken us, to whet our appetites, to invite us to draw nearer, that we might open up more fully to God and to God’s purposes in and for us.”

As we explore “What is our why? May it awaken us, whet our appetites, and invite us closer to the God of the Universe and to one another. 

Now, as we enter waiting worship, I ask you to return to those queries I read earlier.

·       Why do you do what you do? And why is that important to you?

·       Why do you get out of bed every day?

·       What do you believe at your very core?

·       What is the one reason you keep coming back to, regardless of what you’re doing or how you’re doing it?